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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insphered soul
    ASL Info:    18/M/ Hmmm?
    Elite Ratio:    6.56 - 450/375/90
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 253
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 990



    Description:
       I's was just thinkin bout me girlfriend that I loves very muches.


    Zach


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My happiest memories
    aren't of adventures
    or playing games with friends
    but of you and me

    Every second I'm alone
    I can't help but think
    about that beautiful smile
    that only I ever see on your face

    I can't give you the world
    but I can give you this
    my undying love
    and all possible bliss

    I love it when you laugh,
    when you hold my hand,
    when you say you love me,
    and tell me I'm yours

    Every second of my thoughts
    stray to the times
    that you smiled at me
    and told me you love me

    When I think of the future
    I see me and you
    standing together
    hand in hand

    I can't make the world see how perfect you are
    but I don't need to
    I don't need them to see your perfection
    because what everyone else thinks doesn't matter




    Submitted on 2007-03-05 10:39:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ok, first of all, to all you ppl, he's MY hun.
    lol, okay, now that THAT's out of the way, i see you took the advice that i left on your flash drive ;]

    i've been looking forward to seeing this on here and it was all i could do to refrain from writing my thoughts/comments on your U3, but i did!

    it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside and makes me feel-even more so-that nothing can tear us apart, and i hope that really is true, bc i love you with everything i have, and you are my world, as i am yours, and there's not much more i can say that i havn't said before

    so i love you, sweetheart, and i miss you terribly (is reminded of a song, as usual)

    (8)you are the one, the one that lies close to me, *whispers* "hello, i miss you quite terribly"
    i felll in love, in love with you suddenly
    there's no place else i could be but [t]here in your arms(8)

    that song makes me think of you so much. and i know that sounds wierd but, you know what i mean.

    *loves* *infinite hugs and kisses to the cheese jello power plus two!*


    +Moz+


    ps. it is obvious that lance is jealous. of me or you, i cannot determine ;]


    lol, jk ,,,/ rock on ;]

    (btw, not makin fun of nybody but i was just reminded of how i used to do that on msn att)
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed reading this as it felt from the heart - yu kept it simple and it wasn't corrupted by 'flowers flowing from the muths of baby dragons' sort of stuff.

    To my ear the last line could have read:

    'because what everyone else thinks stinks'

    i thought that would stratify you & your beloved and give you space.

    good write.
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by bugsy | [ Reply to This ]
      What a wonderful begining, and might I say how lucky your girlfriend is to have found this love in you. My suggestions for this piece would be to work on some punctuation. A comma and period, even the occassional dash could really help to improve this. Also, maybe work on the form you want this poem to take. Like here...

    "I can't give you the world
    but I can give you this
    my undying love
    and all possible bliss"

    ...in this section you use rhyme, and this section alone. It draws away from the rest of the poem. haha. Anyhow, keep on writing hun. ^_^
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an exceptional piece of work, There is love in the are, Love is love, it's is the meaning of life itself, keep going, rock on.

    Lance
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by red passion | [ Reply to This ]



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