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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ABCs of Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PrincessDoom13
    ASL Info:    19/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    4.15 - 81/81/40
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 1075
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1722



    Description:
       This is a poem I wrote about a year ago. Its been through several revisions and I would like some comments on how to improve it! Thanks and take care!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsABCs of Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Another day
    Begins to
    Come into view
    Daring
    Every one of my
    Friends to put
    Goodness into my ears.
    Hope begins to
    Intoxicate my love and
    Joy then becomes the
    Key to open my love that
    Lies within.
    Maybe heíll see me.
    Never, it was silly
    Of me to think so.
    Perhaps going into a
    Quiet state of mind will get him to
    Remember me.
    Shockingly, he appears
    To be at my side.
    Ultimately my heart feels
    Very, very well. For now.
    When I need his love again, itíll seem like a
    Xenobiotic love. I do hope he realizes the
    Zillion stabs heís caused to my heart.




    Submitted on 2007-03-05 11:21:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I just picked one of your works at random (though the fact that this one had NO comments did influence me a bit)...and I'm glad I picked this one. It was awesome.

    Hehe, I think I REALLY like the "zillion stabs to my heart" part. That was awesome...and sufficiently cute at the same time. Hehehe.

    I particularly like lines J through T:

    Joy then becomes the
    Key to open my love that
    Lies within.
    Maybe heíll see me.
    Never, it was silly
    Of me to think so.
    Perhaps going into a
    Quiet state of mind will get him to
    Remember me.
    Shockingly, he appears
    To be at my side.

    That was EXTREMELY awesome. Way good. Wowowow.

    I think I'll put this on my favorites. Lol.

    Keep it Up!

    -Sennie.
    | Posted on 2007-04-05 00:00:00 | by Drifting Star | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    136838

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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