I think you could have made it much longer.
It would have added more charm to the body of it, making it seem more impressive.
Over all, I would rate this 3/5
For 3 reasons.
1. You made it slightly fogged with your words. Very confusing.
2. Some of it could have rhymed better.
3. I donít think that this felt original, could have been more separated from your other poems.