Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Squall Leon Hea
Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 104 /79 /29
Words: 76
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1250
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 451



Death knocks on my door
" Open the door , or..."

Do I open or do I not
For the door is tightly shut

What can death mean by " or... "
Iam already dead at core

Dieing is no matter at all
For I have been rid of soul

Nothing more , nothing less
Nothing will straight this mess

My love has gone ,
Far away , my dear son

Submitted on 2007-03-05 14:00:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I think you could have made it much longer.
It would have added more charm to the body of it, making it seem more impressive.

Over all, I would rate this 3/5

For 3 reasons.
1. You made it slightly fogged with your words. Very confusing.
2. Some of it could have rhymed better.
3. I don’t think that this felt original, could have been more separated from your other poems.

Work on this a bit.
| Posted on 2007-08-10 00:00:00 | by darkmoonchild | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww i love it keep it up.

| Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by Druecilla | [ Reply to This ]
  wow i've never seen one like that before. lie death when one is already dyingit's like offering water to a drowning man

| Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  cool poem yo. iyt just has me thinking about the soul like iyt either dies or lives and lives unending. u get the torture...
| Posted on 2007-03-06 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?