Dear by Squall Leon Hea

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Submission Name: Dear dots

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Author:	Squall Leon Hea
Elite Ratio:	2.33 - 102/77/26
Words:	76

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	216
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	451

Description:

Dear

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Death knocks on my door
" Open the door , or..."

Do I open or do I not
For the door is tightly shut

What can death mean by " or... "
Iam already dead at core

Dieing is no matter at all
For I have been rid of soul

Nothing more , nothing less
Nothing will straight this mess

My love has gone ,
Far away , my dear son

Submitted on 2007-03-05 14:00:11 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I think you could have made it much longer.
It would have added more charm to the body of it, making it seem more impressive.

Over all, I would rate this 3/5

For 3 reasons.
1. You made it slightly fogged with your words. Very confusing.
2. Some of it could have rhymed better.
3. I don’t think that this felt original, could have been more separated from your other poems.

Work on this a bit.
| Posted on 2007-08-10 00:00:00 | by darkmoonchild | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww i love it keep it up.

~Druecilla~
| Posted on 2007-04-17 00:00:00 | by Druecilla | [ Reply to This ]
  wow i've never seen one like that before. lie death when one is already dyingit's like offering water to a drowning man

cheers
| Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
  cool poem yo. iyt just has me thinking about the soul like iyt either dies or lives and lives unending. u get the torture...
| Posted on 2007-03-06 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]

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January 10 07
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