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    dots Submission Name: I Came, I Tried, They Conquereddots

    Author: just an angel
    ASL Info:    17/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 95/109/59
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 825
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 986

       Just a brief feeling of the last thoughts Jesus could have been thinking when as he was dying; true he knew later he would come back, but I am sure that this sense of hopelessness is how most people feel when they can't carry bare their own crosses any more.

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    dotsI Came, I Tried, They Conquereddots

    I came down to bestow a gift
    Meant for all of humanity
    Yet one bite from the apple
    Left them to die in insanity

    I came through an innocent, young girl
    Who could not predit her worth
    But without any hesitance
    She agreed to my miraculous birth

    In the Temple, I taught the wise
    At the wedding, I turned water to wine
    In the river I was blessed
    In the upper room, we thirteen dined

    My life was spent forgiving
    I was called to heal and raise the dead
    When I became a threat to the wise
    The bestowed a crown of thornes on my head

    I was hammered and nailed to a cross
    Then hung up in the sun for display
    As I suffered, the people ranted
    I died and they had no words to say

    I came down to bestow a gift
    Yet no one would hear or believe
    So in the sun the hung me
    Until I could no longer breathe

    Submitted on 2007-03-05 17:58:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I go to a Catholic school, and I have never read a poem about Jesus really.. interesting. That's a pretty cool idea to write from His point of view, and it flows very well through his life. Um... I like the repetition of the line "I came down to bestow a gift", it works really well. Grammar wise in your fourth stanza you put "the" instead of they as well as in your last stanza.... One other thing is I would put: nailed upon a cross...i think it might fit better (personal opinion lol)....
    I really liked it though, new thing for me to read. All religion aside it still portrays the emotions of hopelessness like you were saying in your description. good stuff

    :) tennisfuzz
    | Posted on 2007-05-10 00:00:00 | by tennisfuzz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really nice, in a Bipolar sort of way.
    Am sure Jesus would love it.

    GBG - Leah
    | Posted on 2007-03-05 00:00:00 | by MornSweetSong | [ Reply to This ]

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