Description: Just to make things a bit more obvious... Elokim and El Shaddai are names of God, or aspects of God, or something vaguely like that. They are one in the same, though. They just each have a different music. Elokim is related to Strength and Understanding, El Shaddai would be Love and Splendor.
Oh Elokim, your Eagle -------------------------------------------
Oh Elokim, your eagle with her dark reflection wings across
The emptiness of airy space that contemplates the breadth of sea
On each and every breath of wind: Eternity, oh El Shaddai,
And ends her gaze on that elected fish who breaks from out the depths
And eases down on dawn-etched wings to catch it up into the sky
To eat. And in that Eucharist of pinions, wind and fins, the fish
Has earned, in death, to be reborn into the splendor of the heir.
"elected fish" and "and pinions" were the only two places to throw me off, as I read this naturally, and then read it iambically, and noticed that these were the two places where it was different. Any chance you could change the syntax around slightly to smooth these hiccups over?
All in all though, again, you're much freer it seems. This is a marked departure from your previous stuff; this piece is almost prose-like in its single paragraph-like formation, even though I know it's one stanza... but you get what I mean.
I won't profess to know who Elokim and El Shaddai are (or is it a group? I have no idea), but suffice to say, even without knowing, your spiritual messages still get across.
Submission Name: Oh Elokim, your Eagle
