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    dots Submission Name: seven (edited)dots

    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1266
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 548

       What i wish i had fallen in love with. but i was too stupid, and you were just too perfect.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsseven (edited)dots

    when i still had bangs, and knotted hair
    i used to dream of you on the swings
    coffee grounds strewn along my pillow
    stichings of a last line
    of that conversation
    i replied that i couldn't not love you
    that i'd do anything to see your eyes meet mine
    and we'd sit on the mosiac hall
    sipping sparkling apple juice
    kiss our own skinned knees
    leave the pitcher to the dogs
    and ask for 2 more years
    the keys to the benz
    and each other's hearts

    Submitted on 2004-06-08 23:21:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not good at understanding poems but i like it, and i like the effect it has on me like maybe i know what your talking about, anyways the point is is that its a good'n
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by EmilyAnne | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohhhh sweeeet. This is really cute. But you have some really bad typos! Please fix them, because they just detract from the daintiness and happy sadness of this poem.

    What I mean by happy sadness... it's kind of a happy feeling you get, but a depressing sad memory that she's gone. You smile; but you also feel a longing. It's a happy sadness. Keep it up, I like this alot.
    | Posted on 2004-06-08 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      coffee grounds strewn along you pillow

    -perhaps the "you" should be "your"?

    it's got an interesting juxtaposition of love that has gone right and wrong over the course of years and ends somewhere near the end of all the memories these two had together, but it isn't spelled out as over quite yet. if it's really love, it's never completely over, now, is it? great write.

    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]

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