What are you talking about, your work sucks? I love the lyrical rhythm of this poem. It had some rhyme, but it doesn't stick to it's rhyme too rigidly. I wouldn't change a thing about it.
My favorite part::
"The snow has fallen on a now late afternoon
It has been so long I hope to see you soon
I must be dreaming
Oh, whatever shall I do?
You can’t blame me for this can you?
I’m just dreaming
I’m just dreaming but I can’t fall asleep tonight
You’ll never be part of this lie
You’ll never be part of this lie
You’ll never be part of this lie but it’s all right
It all works out
The snow is falling down
I swear it's falling down on me
The textile of her soul design
Sleeping with the deal she signed
Lovers cast committing crimes she wore
I’ll never be part of this lie
I’ll never be part of this lie
I’ll never be part of this lie but it’s all right
It all works out
Sick of all of the groggy droning
I'll gobble down all your melatonin
Why can't I have this and why can't we just dance the night away
And if I could sleep forever..."
I copied and pasted the whole thing because it was all my favorite part, and I read it sort of like eating candy. If you don't mind I'd really like to use for ES Magazine.
I remember commenting on some of your work, and compared to those earlier pieces this is far better. You are more focused. Some great phrasing also. An interesting piece.
Submission Name: Insomnia
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