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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: nighttime walk to the librarydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kristen Gudsnuk
    ASL Info:    21/f/CT
    Elite Ratio:    5.62 - 182/229/86
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 734



    Description:
       I was like, "hey let's write in spanish!" and so I did. that part means:
    the wind drags the leaves
    they spin and whisper
    the branches of the skinny trees
    maneuver like skeletal fingers
    and the stars are brilliant eyes
    in the black sky, filled with sorrow.

    the ending is true, too. sorry, I always ruin the pretty parts of my poems by tacking on lame endings that make me laugh a little.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnighttime walk to the librarydots
    -------------------------------------------


    the twinkling silver light of streetlamps:
    electric fireflies mingling and mating,
    wintertime-luminous, buzzing clockwork.

    glittering pavement, as dried leaves
    shuffle and make footstep-noises,
    dragged by the wind.

    el viento arrastra las hojas
    rodean y susurran
    las ramas de los arboles flacos
    maniobran como dedos esqueletos
    y las estrellas son ojos brillantes
    en el cielo negro, lleno de llanto.


    the wind penetrates the holes in my shoes,
    grips my hand,
    and guides me to the library,
    where I fall asleep for three hours and don't get any work done.




    Submitted on 2007-03-06 04:21:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Haha! I actually LOVE the last line. The poem is going along with this beautiful, rich imagery, a lyrical spanish verse, fluid and tongue-tingling, and then BAM.

    where I fall asleep for three hours and don't get any work done.

    The abrupt change of pace and just everything is so... so... I'm going to say existential, which may or may not be what I mean. It's really silly though, and a total contrast to everything the poem was building up to.

    Here's the pretty picture. Pretty
    pretty pretty pretty
    pretty pretty
    pretty pretty pre
    ttypretty pretty
    pretty
    pretty pretty pretty
    BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I agree that you should maybe take out the part where in your description that says the spanish is completely random. Just let us wonder if you were going to study spanish perhaps, and that it doesn't look like you even need to, if you can write beautiful poetry in it. Another layer of irony perhaps? Perhaps.

    I don't really have any nits... maybe lose the hyphen in "footstep-noises."

    I liked this Kristen, it was both wonderful and silly, a brilliant combination!

    PS - animal's mating is awkward. Always. Especially it they're glowing haha

    Okay I'm gone.
    | Posted on 2007-03-08 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]
      There's nothing to be sorry about here. Breaking the sense of a poem with an ironic or disruptive ending is a very realistic thing to do. It is a philosophy, in a sense. It keeps the reader grounded after the beauty expressed... from being too carried away.
    What I find ironic about it, but still hopeful, is that even while you force your readers to return to the normal world, you still accomplish nothing, still being affected by the world of beauty. It's a nice touch.
    You wrote that you just felt like throwing the spanish in there. It is a nice, very lyric part of the poem... I love the musicality and the sound of it, but I think it would have more power if there was a reason for it as opposed to just... "oh, why not." Or don't tell us it was a random choice. Let your reader think that is is something important... a deffinite choice on your part.
    | Posted on 2007-03-06 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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