[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Chuck Norris Pt. 1dots

    Author: insphered soul
    ASL Info:    19/M/ Hmmm?
    Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 450/382/94
    Words: 1467
    Class/Type: Story/Comedy
    Total Views: 1285
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 8733

       This is part of a long series of stories I made when I got bored one day. Main characters are my friends and loved ones.

    And some enemies.

    And mail stealing trolls.......I hate those bastards.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChuck Norris Pt. 1dots

    Our story begins on a normal day. It seems as though it couldn't be anymore normal. A old lady is walking along a sidewalk and Zach, Dewayne, and Cori are all chilling out back jamming to some system of a down and other awesome ass artist. Suddenly they all hear a woman scream and rush to the front yard. There, a magical ninja from the land of crouching snow beotch, is backflipping over the old lady.

    *gasp* - Zach
    *gasp* - Cori
    "cheese" - Dewayne

    "We gotta help that old lady!" Zach said with excitedness.

    "Lets watch her fall down and break her hip so she can't walk with her over pampered grandchildren around toys r us and buy them stupid toys that I should have" Dewayne replied.

    "Your an ass" Zach pointed out.

    "Did you just ask me for some hot ass?" Dewayne asked.

    "We must save the old lady!" Cori exclaimed in a high pitched voice.

    Using the rings that look as though there from that awesome as hell cartoon captain planet, they magically shoot beams of light from them causing a blinding orb of golden light, thus, the power puff girls were born. Using their ultra super powers, Blossom, Bubbles, and Butter cup fight crime and -

    "What the f***?" Zach said aghast at the 8 year old attraction this story is making.

    I mean, thus Chuck Norris was born, using his super powers, Chuck Norris fights crime and the forces of evil!

    *Power Puff Girls theme song while Chuck Norris kills ninjas*

    "thank you so much for your help children" The old lady said.

    "Wtf about me?" Chuck Norris said in a pissy voice.

    Then a huge mob of chicks run up screaming stuff about being sexy and take Chuck Norris against his will and drag him away.

    "Oh god help me! Not again! Please not again!"

    "mmmmmm, that feels sexy" Dewayne said as he rubbed his man tities.

    "WTF are you doing?" Cori exclaimed.

    "I think he's trying to be sexy" Zach replied.

    The door flies open and Chuck Norris sticks his head in the door saying "did someone say sexy?" Then a mob of girls pull him away.

    "Since when was there a f***ing door outside?" Zach said with a confused look on his face.

    Just then, a river troll in the form of a highway toll booth jumped forward and stole Zach's mail.

    "God damn it. Why the f*** is a troll taking my mail?" Zach said in a girly fag voice.

    "Mmmm, thats sexy" Dewayne said as he poured hot candle wax on his man tities.

    Once again a door opens and Chuck Norris's head pops out and says "Did someone say sexy?". Then a bunch of cute manicured hands with ultra gripping action only found with these action figures from Wal-Mart-

    "We're losing the story here" Cori said in a cool, relaxed, erotic voice.

    Suddenly, a huge explosion happens in China.


    Chinese Man: shen ying poontang!

    "Why the f*** is a Chinese Man screaming about poontang?" Dewayne asked in excitement, clearly curious at the thought of having sexual intercourse with his goat Moonbeam.

    Back To Chuck Norris

    "I'm so amazing. All the chicks want me" Chuck said as he watched an episode of walker texas ranger with his man whore Dewayne.

    "Oooh Chuck, touch me again" Dewayne giggled aloud.

    "With pleasure" Chuck grumbled, clearly showing his readiness.

    Chuck reaches out and gives Dewayne a shoulder massage.

    30 minutes later

    "Oh yeah, right there, force it, oh yeah, force it hard" Dewayne exclaimed as the trucker raced through the track on his harley screaming for beer and ducks.

    Old Lady from beginning of story: What the hell is up with this story? What about me and my 13 cats? Mr. Jellybean, Mr. Crinkles, Mr. Toodles, Mr. Sheller, Mr. Erecty, Mr. Viby, and the other ones I dont care for and wish were dead so I can rule the world along side of Mo Jo Jojo!

    Mo Jo Jojo: Soon, the powerful puff girls will be forever destroyed and I will be able to stick it to the man.

    Zach: What the fuck happened to this story? Back to me getting my mail from the land of Nordak.

    Zach, Cori and Dewayne journeyed to the land of Nordak and were attemtpting to sneak in to the village of suck and swallow when Zach had a sudden idea.

    "We should all get costumes and pretend to be super heroes"

    "Did you just ask me for some hot ass again?" Dewayne asked, licking his lips at Barney the big purple dinosaur.

    "Cheese" Cori said with excitement.

    "Cori, I think your mom is hot and she wants to hit what I got" Dewayne sang in a voice.

    Then Zach became king of the world and all the indian people worshipped him as the water god. And Dewayne ruled beside him as dual rulers of the galaxy while Cori went off to 'find herself' and was never seen again.

    End Of Story

    But wait, how can it be the end of the story if the legendary Hinduism religion wasn't taught to everyone by muhammad?

    "What the f*** is going on here?" Cori asked while reading the book 'Finding yourself for dummies'.

    "I think my sexiness is overwhelming the old lady" Dewayne said as he flipped his hair in a cute, silly confused way.

    Chuck Norris pops out of the door saying "Did someone just say sexy?" The mob of girls pulls hime back through as they use their ultra super powers to defeat Darth Vader and his army of super sexy clones bent on the annihilation of Zach Rigdon.
    "I hate Chuck Norris!" Skipper screamed.

    Zach bitch slaps her and snaps his fingers creating a triangle motion. "Oh no you didn't girlfriend" he adds with a girly fag voice much like Dewayne's.

    Skipper then totally attempts to kill Zach for no apparent reason at all, I mean, come on, its Chuck Norris! Who doesn't think he's amazing!?!?!?

    Then Chuck Norris appears and round house kicks Skipper in the head and glutius maximus and kills her.

    Zach cries and Dewayne tries to console him by rubbing his man tities again with hot wax, but it kinda just makes Zach sick. Then Zach remembers the dragon balls.

    "We can wish her back to life!" Zach exclaims with happiness!

    Then for the next 2 years Zach, Dewayne and the chinese man go on a journey to find the dragon balls to wish Skipper back to life. But where's Cori?

    "In your mothers ass" Cori's voice answers from nowhere.

    "Sheng ying poontang!" The chinese man agrees.

    After searching for 2 years all 7 magic balls are found and Skipper is wished back.

    "I'm so happy your back Skipper!" Zach exclaims in a high pitched voice as he chokes on his taco.

    "I'm so happy I'm back too!" Dewayne screams out in a faggish voice.

    "WTF?" Skipper says, clearly confuseded at why Dewayne is trying to take her property. Zach quickly kisses her to please her because he is talking to her on the phone right now and she said he better kiss her when she is brought back to life and he doesn't want to get in trouble and get whipped again 27 times. Why 27? Only Skipper knows.

    "He's mine bitch" Dewayne spits out.

    "No he's mine!" Skipper shouts.

    They have a girl fight and during the fight Michael and Jenna walk up making out and licking each others throats like two starving dogs that were left in the desert for a week with food but no water. They kidnap Zach and take him back to Narnia so the great lion Aslan can begin his corgulation with him.

    Zach: Oh F***! (in a high pitched voice)

    End of Story!

    Submitted on 2007-03-06 10:24:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Absolutely HILARIOUS!!! I was laughing my ass off. I can't wait til you finish the other parts.
    | Posted on 2007-03-09 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]
      i LOVE it but hurry up and finish pt 7...i wanna read it!

    | Posted on 2007-03-06 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    ME written by jjd
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]