[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: your own demondots

    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1051
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 836

       i once said that quote to a friend in response to his mind blowing style of writing. in many ways, my offhand comment to him has become my obsession.

    do your own thing no matter how it looks from the outside.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyour own demondots

    red-ash hair hangs in uneven communion
    over helter skelter blue irises
    a flagrant mockery of the perfection
    Her Kind will asphyxiate on.
    artfully torn flags she
    over sporadically sun-speckled shoulders
    national dignity and pageantry
    for a t-shirt she washes on Cotton Sturdy.
    her scuffed mis-matched combat boots have never
    stepped across enemy lines, content to
    trample Pod People expectations.
    loosely stitched on patches protest all that
    her susceptible, soul-deep skin -
    precious words she never wastes on the Deaf
    in this, her Everytown suburbian neighborhood.

    "never settle to be everyone else's darling.
    be your own demon."

    Submitted on 2004-06-09 02:43:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      a flagrant mockery of the perfection
    Francine Pascal's Guia Moore, reminds me of that line...

    soul-deep skin
    of browning onions...

    -and of course, who would not think the last two verses darling?
    If I wasn't so particular with my language, I'd have found a way to make that a screen name or e-add. It's so spicy, yet too hot to give up!

    I guess I'm more drawn to the little bits of this that I can mirror to, and that is why I comment. High!
    | Posted on 2004-10-07 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how it's so blunt. You know it's about a girl who lives on the edge, who's all about taking what she wants and not just what she needs...But you realise that it's much more. It's about grasping life and not letting it push you around. Brilliant work. The imagery is masterful. It's superb.
    | Posted on 2004-07-25 00:00:00 | by Shuurinakisame | [ Reply to This ]
      This has been so well phrased.
    Patently striking a chord with those that commented and the balance I assume struck dumb...
    The articulate and self-aware iconoclast is an attractive and inspiring creature - boy or girl.
    I particularly enjoyed the inference that the perfect will asphyxiate whilst the mutants do just that: mutate - and continue to breathe...
    Small but perfectly formed.
    A lemon drop treat.
    | Posted on 2004-07-03 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the helter-skelter blue irises. Overall I think this could read slightly more coherently, but it's really beautiful… distinctive and original. It improves with each read, although it was initially quite confusing. I'm making it a fave. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, damn this doesn't let up for a word...really grr powerful. wasting the words on the deaf, combat boots never cross enemy lines...damn. I love it.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      *gulp* damn, if i had been a girl that would have been me back in the sixties. Now you ditch the hair for a fro and toss in some freaky bell bottoms. Heck, Morelladellamorete- once a hellraiser always a hellraiser!
    Coolly written description. Have you met her mother? There was a poem posted, now withdrawn, called "Kindly take me away" If you had read it I think you would agree that these two were related!
    Anyway, wonderful, thanks for another good one,
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Missile guided eyes follow the aberrant child to where the road fades. Yellow rock road music fades in time with sissy boots marching down the lane. A brave dog yelps and crawls behind an old car as she spits a piece of flavour drained gum after it. In other words, I liked this...a lot!
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      i really really like this, blue! the beginning lines just blew me away!

    red-ash hair hangs in uneven communion
    over helter skelter blue irises
    a flagrant mockery of the perfection
    Her Kind will asphyxiate on...

    and the way you describe her dress, the boots that "have never stepped across enemy lines..." this is just great! i have to fav this one just so i can read it again!
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      i've said it before and i'll say it again...

    YOU ROCK THE [censored]ING HOUSE.

    there's just something about your poetry that i absolutely adore. and your line.. is amazing. i love it. LOVE IT. it's how i live my life. i think poets are all different molds out of the same kiln. we're rather impetuous and grandiose and sometimes horrible... but always entertaining and adorable.

    if i was a lesbian i would be in love with you.
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]