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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: your own demondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1185
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 836



    Description:
       i once said that quote to a friend in response to his mind blowing style of writing. in many ways, my offhand comment to him has become my obsession.

    do your own thing no matter how it looks from the outside.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyour own demondots
    -------------------------------------------


    red-ash hair hangs in uneven communion
    negligently
    over helter skelter blue irises
    a flagrant mockery of the perfection
    Her Kind will asphyxiate on.
    artfully torn flags she
    drapes
    over sporadically sun-speckled shoulders
    national dignity and pageantry
    for a t-shirt she washes on Cotton Sturdy.
    her scuffed mis-matched combat boots have never
    stepped across enemy lines, content to
    heedlessly
    trample Pod People expectations.
    loosely stitched on patches protest all that
    chafes
    her susceptible, soul-deep skin -
    precious words she never wastes on the Deaf
    in this, her Everytown suburbian neighborhood.

    "never settle to be everyone else's darling.
    be your own demon."




    Submitted on 2004-06-09 02:43:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      a flagrant mockery of the perfection
    Francine Pascal's Guia Moore, reminds me of that line...

    soul-deep skin
    of browning onions...

    -and of course, who would not think the last two verses darling?
    If I wasn't so particular with my language, I'd have found a way to make that a screen name or e-add. It's so spicy, yet too hot to give up!

    I guess I'm more drawn to the little bits of this that I can mirror to, and that is why I comment. High!
    | Posted on 2004-10-07 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how it's so blunt. You know it's about a girl who lives on the edge, who's all about taking what she wants and not just what she needs...But you realise that it's much more. It's about grasping life and not letting it push you around. Brilliant work. The imagery is masterful. It's superb.
    | Posted on 2004-07-25 00:00:00 | by Shuurinakisame | [ Reply to This ]
      This has been so well phrased.
    Patently striking a chord with those that commented and the balance I assume struck dumb...
    The articulate and self-aware iconoclast is an attractive and inspiring creature - boy or girl.
    I particularly enjoyed the inference that the perfect will asphyxiate whilst the mutants do just that: mutate - and continue to breathe...
    Yes.
    Small but perfectly formed.
    A lemon drop treat.
    K
    | Posted on 2004-07-03 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the helter-skelter blue irises. Overall I think this could read slightly more coherently, but it's really beautifulů distinctive and original. It improves with each read, although it was initially quite confusing. I'm making it a fave. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, damn this doesn't let up for a word...really grr powerful. wasting the words on the deaf, combat boots never cross enemy lines...damn. I love it.
    | Posted on 2004-06-12 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      *gulp* damn, if i had been a girl that would have been me back in the sixties. Now you ditch the hair for a fro and toss in some freaky bell bottoms. Heck, Morelladellamorete- once a hellraiser always a hellraiser!
    Coolly written description. Have you met her mother? There was a poem posted, now withdrawn, called "Kindly take me away" If you had read it I think you would agree that these two were related!
    Anyway, wonderful, thanks for another good one,
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Missile guided eyes follow the aberrant child to where the road fades. Yellow rock road music fades in time with sissy boots marching down the lane. A brave dog yelps and crawls behind an old car as she spits a piece of flavour drained gum after it. In other words, I liked this...a lot!
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      i really really like this, blue! the beginning lines just blew me away!

    red-ash hair hangs in uneven communion
    negligently
    over helter skelter blue irises
    a flagrant mockery of the perfection
    Her Kind will asphyxiate on...

    and the way you describe her dress, the boots that "have never stepped across enemy lines..." this is just great! i have to fav this one just so i can read it again!
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      i've said it before and i'll say it again...

    YOU ROCK THE [censored]ING HOUSE.

    there's just something about your poetry that i absolutely adore. and your line.. is amazing. i love it. LOVE IT. it's how i live my life. i think poets are all different molds out of the same kiln. we're rather impetuous and grandiose and sometimes horrible... but always entertaining and adorable.

    if i was a lesbian i would be in love with you.
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]


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