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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Camelotdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1885
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 747



    Description:
       for kc


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCamelotdots
    -------------------------------------------


    last week I attended
    a lecture by Jacqueline
    Kennedy Onassis
    at the Hubbard Library

    or it might have been
    a celebrity death impersonator
    getting off on first
    lady fame

    retro, at that

    her puffy face left
    me thinking she'd
    just crawled from
    a short stay in the grave

    not bright and fresh
    as memories
    or old kinescopes
    or film or
    photograph

    I should have expected it
    I guess when
    she was young and pulsed
    with life, she must
    have been a queen

    in the years before
    we knew such things
    as innocence could die





    Submitted on 2007-03-06 18:04:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      So, Camelot - the fictional idyll of Arthurian legend and the presidency of Kennedy. The first impression I get is of the latter now becoming a distant part of history. The decay of age, the puffy face of Jacqueline Kennedy symbolic of how those humans that bloomed in the past must inevitably fade away to the grave, leaving only myth.

    My second impression is that of the way this seems to almost take the narrator by surprise - "I should have expected it". It reminds me of the way time can slide by so quickly, brimming so full of new distractions that we barely look back until suddenly we're confronted by an old face now withered and time-worn and realise how old we are too.

    Oh and I agree with Justin about the penultimate strophe. The comma in the second line seems not to really belong there, I think, like it ought to be a semi-colon or even a full stop - something stronger.

    Other than that it's a very well written poem. Thanks for sharing it.
    | Posted on 2007-04-01 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      Old is such a relative thing... when you're five, 18 is 40. When you're 18, 40 is 60. And when you're 60, 40 is 20. And the older we get the more subtle beauty becomes, the more it manifests itself in other ways... the more it hides in the eyes than anywhere else. Wrinles and rings in trees all just mean wisdom and knowing something, and the deader we look the more impacting the stories we tell.

    As for the poem... it I like it. I like all of it except the first stanza. It's so... absolutely out of place. And maybe... maybe that's why it's there. As a layer to show out of place she was. But if that's not why it's there, then I'd just throw a blurp in your description and start on S2L2. You can do the italics things even, put it in one line, something like,

    after attending a lecture by Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.

    It does a fine job of feeling out of place though. Something feels off about the line breaks in the penultimate strophe, but I'm not sure what to suggest... so just something to note perhaps.

    The end though... is again, haunting. You really know how to end a poem, that's what I've noticed, Sir Bill.

    Haunting... beautiful... relative.
    | Posted on 2007-03-08 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]


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