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    dots Submission Name: Without Directiondots

    Author: screamALEX
    ASL Info:    19/M/PA
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 40/93/49
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1259
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1231


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWithout Directiondots

    Without Direction

    You know what they say,
    they say that hope doesnít float,
    so the next time your sinking,
    you better grab hold,
    cause gravity is your new worst enemy,
    and the only direction this storyís going is down.

    Behind the lifeless smiles,
    lie screams heard at a whisperís decibel,
    muffled by expectations,
    born through mothersí denials.

    The weight of the world,
    planted on adolescent shoulders.
    Panic begins to seep in,
    itís too much to handle.
    Saturday nights spent emptying bottles,
    and little white pills,
    that make everything so easy
    razor so sharp,
    you donít even remember bleeding.

    God left this place a long time ago,
    or perhaps heís still testing them,
    just one more trial.
    If thereís one thing these kids do know,
    itís that hope doesnít float,
    and in a world where your dreams outrun you,
    a dime a dozen,
    sometimes quitting seems like the only option.

    You know what they say,
    they say pain lets you know your alive,
    but the pain here has long bled dry.

    Submitted on 2007-03-06 23:00:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The last few lines your wrote were perfect.

    "they say pain lets you know your alive,
    but the pain here has long bled dry."

    You had this piece all structured out. You knew where to put where and the way this piece read by itself is so clear and the message is there with no hidden meaning. It's just there to show what a shattered dream glued with tears is all about.

    About the pain, I know there is this saying stating that pain lets you know your alive but whoever when they wrote that, didn't mean physical pain.
    In our lives, we are faced with many decisions and since our hearts play a bigger part than our minds, the person tend to feel this aching feeling inside of them. Whenever that happens, it shows that the inside of you is alive; that the inside of you has feelings and that the inside of you is trying to tell you what it feels. The question is, what are you going to do to make things better - not worse.

    although i loved this piece very much, i must confess that i don't see no hope in this piece. In a subject such as this one, it has to show a little light. I know sometimes, that's the way this subject really is, but think of all the people who actually go through this and when they read it, they're gonna say, "well, there's nothing out there left for me" which is something that isn't true. That's the only part i feel that is missing in your piece.

    Other than that....Keep it up.

    Take care....

    | Posted on 2007-03-07 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      a lot of these lines are like song lyrics restated. band names twisted a little bit. song titles backwards.
    | Posted on 2007-03-07 00:00:00 | by narcolepsy | [ Reply to This ]

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