Deadly Sin by brunov68

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Submission Name: Deadly Sin dots

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Author:	brunov68
ASL Info:	22/M/Toronto
Elite Ratio:	4.34 - 311/320/30
Words:	54

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	361
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	339

Description:
I got the idea off a poem that is in my favs...its called forbidden fruit and its by mel23. I hope she doesn't mind. Anyways, I took her idea and made it a different poem...hers is better anyways. Hope you like and please let me know what you think..

Deadly Sin dots

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Longing friendship was once so pleasant
platonic, responsive and well.
We understood not to take a bite,
of the forbidden fruit from hell.

Nibble by nibble we became addicted,
our intimacy burned to dust.
Until we no longer consumed the fruit with passion
we ate it out of lust.

Submitted on 2004-06-09 06:17:19 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  as usual i like it. i think it could be longer, but the point is there is the few lines given. when i read it i think of best friends who end up messing around and in the end lose the friendship because things got wierd. i've been there maybe that's why i see that in the poem
| Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  short and sweet. i like how you can say so much in so little words. some friendships should only be platonic.once you cross the line things get wierd. i guess i'll go check out the original.
Star
| Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by shootingstar | [ Reply to This ]
  This was written nicely, well worded. I really enjoyed reading it. It flowed nicely and i really enjoyed the topic , the whole forbidden fruit thing. Well done.
Jan
| Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by Jan | [ Reply to This ]
  but of course I like alll your poems because you make others feel the symbolism that you have set up in your poem...and then people are like...damn...I can connect to what they're saying...and its just weird like that, because its a longing that some poets crave in their poetry and you are putting it together like bananas in a fruit salad to make it taste amazing
| Posted on 2004-08-22 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
  Honestly I've been trying to find the time to read what you have written. From what I have read (including this piece) you know how to make what you write in its on unique way. Like everyone else in this site you have created yet another work of art. Keep it up.
| Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by smiling death | [ Reply to This ]
  i actually like this poem at all. it reminds me of how my freindships all crumbeled to pices. and it is full, amd i mean FULL of emotion and it is ecuacational and i love it! i realy do. more than any other one that you have written.
i like the last line especally but they are all t good to really choose the best.
~Shadwo
| Posted on 2004-08-26 00:00:00 | by Moonshadow | [ Reply to This ]
  I didn't read the poem you refered to at the intro, but this is good. You and your friend are pretty young so I hope you take your own advice to heart.
| Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this very much. It says volumes in such a few lines. I'll look up that poem. I've never been brave enough to do this in real life, but I've known several who have. This seems pretty accurate.
| Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  Great great symbolism... I wish more people would use it (I myself am very guilty of not, though, so who am I to complain?). Lovely... hehe now I have to check out all your other stuff...
| Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Erchomenos | [ Reply to This ]

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