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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A New Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: StylerDen
    ASL Info:    23/Male/Malaysia
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 38/51/41
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 129
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 442



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA New Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Before this earthly battle comes to an end,
    There will be screaming from a tyrant at hand,
    Basking in glory of excitement so grand,
    Die will this tyrant be, together with his clan.

    A new age will revive, from dust we stepped on,
    A new King comes forth, with hope given to all,
    A new kingdom will rise, to stand against the old,
    A new day will be born, with love prevails along.




    Submitted on 2007-03-08 05:31:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Whilst this poem is most likely metaphorical and uses fairly good vocabulary, there's something about the lines that doesn't seem to fit... The last stanza, especially. The words just don't flow, I guess.
    I had this image of a knight halted on his horse, on a hill... But that's only because of the words used, and such. It seems as if, also, you were trying to make it ryhme, or trying to put some form of pattern in, and looked for any old word to slot in.
    All in all, I'd try to just let words flow instead of trying to make them rhyme. Not all of them have to. ^_^
    | Posted on 2007-03-08 00:00:00 | by Futurous | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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