i read about 11 pieces tonight before i came to this one which in my opinion is the only one so far thats worth a [censored]. it has a way of being unique and cliché at the same time. it doesnt rhyme at all which i always like i really like the line "She looked so real and unrehearsed." not sure why it just stuck out for some reason. obviously there are parts i think should have been done differently but its the way it is because you invisioned it that way. i dont know it could use a revision maybe but dont change it unless you feel you can improve it. overall i have to say good job.
I quite like this. It could use a bit of work, I suppose. But I really like it. "The earth would dwindle into despair," I'm thinking despair isn't the right word, seems like she's already despairing. I've been there. I don't know. I'd like to know where this came from, what sparked the peice?