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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Toilet Girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ollie_wicked
    ASL Info:    27?FEarth
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 320/200/90
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Childrens
    Total Views: 882
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 935



    Description:
       umm, yea, apperently i'm a dude now....or at least my phyci told me so. but just lemme know what you think. Please don't say anything about the spelling, i know i suck.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsToilet Girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    The night was filled
    with uncertainty and alcohol.
    When i got there i just wanted
    to get away from it all.

    Weaving in and out
    of people who were wasting
    Just thinking GOD they're plastered
    But hey, what was i thinking?

    Walking past the toilet room
    I saw her laying there.
    Like maybe if she moved
    the earth would dwindle into despair.

    Around her eyes were melting
    Like she'd got too close to a fire.
    She asked if she looked pretty.
    She must think i'm a liar.

    I told her that she was radiant
    with all her stains and smell.
    She looked so real and unrehearsed.
    Like nothing the market could sell.

    I helped her heave her addiction
    Maybe helped her quit.
    I got her number and walked her out
    At least she's not ending it.




    Submitted on 2007-03-08 11:22:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this poem is sweeet. I love the title. and i like how it starts.

    awesome write
    Grim Aylin
    | Posted on 2007-11-11 00:00:00 | by WD-40 | [ Reply to This ]
      i read about 11 pieces tonight before i came to this one which in my opinion is the only one so far thats worth a [censored]. it has a way of being unique and cliché at the same time. it doesnt rhyme at all which i always like i really like the line "She looked so real and unrehearsed." not sure why it just stuck out for some reason. obviously there are parts i think should have been done differently but its the way it is because you invisioned it that way. i dont know it could use a revision maybe but dont change it unless you feel you can improve it. overall i have to say good job.

    tony
    | Posted on 2007-03-09 00:00:00 | by cartoon autopsy | [ Reply to This ]
      I quite like this. It could use a bit of work, I suppose. But I really like it. "The earth would dwindle into despair," I'm thinking despair isn't the right word, seems like she's already despairing. I've been there. I don't know. I'd like to know where this came from, what sparked the peice?
    | Posted on 2007-03-08 00:00:00 | by Abby Sinthetic | [ Reply to This ]


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