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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chuck Norris Pt.3dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insphered soul
    ASL Info:    19/M/ Hmmm?
    Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 450/382/94
    Words: 1948
    Class/Type: Story/Comedy
    Total Views: 1283
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 12121



    Description:
       My third installment on the Chuck Norris stories.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChuck Norris Pt.3dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Chuck Norris pt.3

    The land of Nordak was all quiet and still, not a creature was stirring, not even a mous-
    Zach: Mother f****er. What the hell?!?!? Why are my f***'s still being *'d?
    Dewayne: Did you just ask me for some hot ass again?
    Brittany: Oh my gawd Zach, you are so amazing and I wish I had your skin.
    Zach: *high pitched voice* okaay?

    Just then, the chinese man walks into the room as the officer continues to interrogate the Kool-Aid man.

    Officer: Tell me the truth you glass bastard.
    Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!
    Officer: So you admit to stealing the nail shampoo?
    Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!
    Officer: So you want to do naughty stuff with me without me getting in trouble by my superiors because you can't say anything else other than 'oh yeah!'?
    Kool-aid man: Oh No!

    Meanwhile at the top of Mount Significant:

    Lance: I've come to find myself.
    Megan: Your mother's so ugly, it looks like her face was caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.
    Logan: Lmao.
    Lance: did you just say lmao?
    Logan: yeah
    Megan: Its okay, its allright, I got somethin that you gonna like.

    later that day...

    Brittany: Now that we're all here we can began our corgulation with the great and powerful Tikinan.

    Tikinan: Who wants to began their corgulation first?

    Dewayne: *pouring hot wax on his man tities* Oooooh! I do!

    Tikinan: Anyone? Anyone at all?

    Dewayne: Me!

    Tikinan: Last chance, anyone?

    Dewayne: Me you asshole.

    Tikinan: Well, seeing as how no one wants to, I'll just leave.

    Cloud: Chris, has Sephiroth come through here?

    Zach: Who the hell is Chris?

    Chris: Me bitch.

    Megan: What the hell!?!?!?

    Hiei: Chris, we must defeat Toguro!

    Chris: Whoa shorty, where'd you come from?

    Cameron: I love Rick!

    Dewayne: Mmmmm.......hot ass

    Zach: Ummmm....yeah, Cloud man, Sephiroth hasn't been through here.

    Cloud: Thank you O Great Master of the Universe.

    Zach: No problem.

    Megan: Now that that is over, lets party!

    Brittany: Promiscuous boy lets get to the poi-

    Lance: Oh hell no, dont start with that stuff again.

    Logan: They call me Thomas, last name crown.

    Skipper: Wait, I dont mean no harm, I can see you with my t-shirt on.

    Zach: Its okay, Its allright, I got somethin that you gonna like.

    Sephiroth: Okay, has Cloud been through here?

    Sephiroth looks in the corner and see's Dewayne rubbing hot wax on his man tities as usual.

    Sephiroth: holy shit

    Dewayne: Shut up!

    Cloud: There you are Sephir- *notices Dewayne with the hot wax on his man tities* What the hell?

    Zach: Dewayne dude, stop with the wax or go the hell away.

    Dewayne: Why can't you just accept me for who I am?

    Michael a.k.a The Gridly Bear comes out of nowhere and drop kicks Logan.

    Logan: *groan*

    Zach, Skipper and Dewayne: Gridly Bear!

    Gridly Bear: *hair bouncing* Hey eve- *notices Dewayne with the hot wax* What the hell?

    Dewayne: Why can't you all just accept me for who I am?

    Zach: Go make out with a watermelon or something dude.

    Dewayne: I dont make out with watermelons! I was just tasting it!

    Lance: With lipstick on your mouth?

    Dewayne storms out of the room with Po.

    Skipper: Now that that is over with, I shall go tend to my garden.

    Megan: you have a garden?

    Skipper: Yeah

    Bartney: Can I come and help you?

    Gridly Bear: Who the hell is Barney?

    Zach: Its Brittany

    Cori: I'm a tender little bean

    Lance: whoa



    Later that day in the land of Nordak Zach continues to search for his stolen mail.

    Zach: Where is my mail?

    River troll in the form of a highway toll booth: Umm...I lost it.

    Zach: I dont mean no harm, I can see you with my t-shir-

    Logan: *girly fag voice* Stop it!

    River troll: Thats sexy.

    *A mysterious door pops out of nowhere and Chuck Norris's head pops out*

    Chuck Norris: Did someone just say sexy?

    *Everyones ears explode at the sound of Chuck Norris's amazing voice, even I, the author of this story can no longer hear*

    Zach: What? I can't hear you.

    Chuck Norris: *thumbs up*

    Judge: ready.....set........Dodgeball!

    White goodman races forward to grab the ball and then the roof falls in causing a devastating scream of happiness from Dewayne as Chuck Norris continues to give him a back rub.

    Dewayne: Oh my geezus kryst! Right there!

    Chuck Norris: You are a sad strange little man.

    Woody: You are a child's play thing!

    Megan and Bartney: Cheese!

    Tyler: I'm a homosexual! Who wants a five dollar sucky sucky?

    Mr. Felhaus: *gay voice* I see you over there gettin all hot and bothered lookin at my fanny Joe

    Joe: *does spider hand thing while doing robot laugh*

    Lauren: So long, and goodnight, so long and goodnight.

    Lance: I hate that song.

    Chris: Where the hell am I?

    Zach: First you must realize, there is no spoon.

    Chris: what the hell?

    Skipper: Me and Zach are going to go to his room so we can get some sleep for the hike tomorrow.

    Skipper and Zach skip off to Zach's room for some rest and relaxation.

    Meanwhile in Dewayne's room...

    Dewayne: Oh Bob, your so beautiful tonight.

    Bob (watermelon):

    Dewayne: *giggles* your so funny!

    Bob:

    Dewayne: you think so?

    *Logan breaks through the door*

    Logan: Eeetsamagwichi mother fuqwa!

    Dewayne: *deep shouting man voice* It wears the lotion on its skin!

    Logan: Oh my god.

    *Logan runs away and dies from lung cancer after eating a rock. Dont ask how.

    Chuck Norris: Listen everyone, we must prepare for the final battle.

    Zach: Yes sir.

    Everyone else: yes sir.

    Chuck Norris: Now, if you ever need me again, just rub this magical lamp and I shall appear *hands magical lamp to Zach*

    *Chuck Norris disappears*

    Zach: We dont need Chuck Norris for this battle, we can do it on our own.

    Huge explosion

    Chinese man: Sheng ying poontanganang!

    Zach: Here goes nothing.

    Using his own personal ring from the begginning of Chuck Norris pt. 1 Zach creates a magical barrier of cheese.

    Zach: You shall not pass.

    Evil monster thing: cheese cannot stop me.

    Zach: *realizing it wont hold long* Everyone run! Lance! take my ring and keep the others safe! *Zach takes off his ring and throws it to Lance*

    Lance: *catches ring* What about you?

    Zach: This is the end of the road for me buddy, just keep everyone safe.

    Lance: No! You have to come with us.

    *Barrier starts to break*

    Zach: Don't argue with me! Run now!

    Logan: NO!

    Lance: NO!

    Everyone else: NO!

    Skipper: NOOOOO!

    Dewayne: Sexy!

    *A door magically appears and everyone but Zach escapes through it*

    Zach: Okay, its just you and me now you monster thing

    Monster thing: you may have saved them for now, but I'll find them

    Zach and the Monther thing fight for like half an hour. Zach undergoes some weird transformation and his hair turns an awesome purple color.

    Purple haired Zach: Lets do this!!!!!! *screams*

    Monter thing: *screams*

    Zach and Monster thing: Final Attack!

    Zach and the Monster thing fly at each other meeting in mid-air. Zach's fist goes through the Monster things chest and the Monster things tentacle thing goes through Zachs stomach. The Monster things chest heals itself.

    Zach: *cough* I guess.....*weeze* I lost.....*choking on blood being coughed up*

    Monster thing: Your story ends here boy *monster completely eradicates Zach's body*

    At the middle at NoWhere

    Lance: *feels his frieds life extinguish* no.

    Logan and Megan: *cry*

    Dewayne: mmmm, thats hot.

    Paris Hilton: Thats my line bitch.

    Michael drop kicks Logan

    Logan: This is not the time damn it.

    Michael: We must continue our journey and defeat the monster so Zach's death wont be in vain.

    Bartney and Joe: *stomach growls* I'm hungry!

    Author: You dont get hungry, fucking noobs.

    Joe: *does spider hand thing*

    Tyler: I like camels, they have such sexy humps.......oooh yeah, sexy humps.

    *A door magically appears*

    Lance: what th-?

    Logan: I guess that door appears everytime someone says sexy.

    *another door magically appears, this time the Monster thing comes through*

    Monster thing: your all going to die now!

    Lance: *realizing everyone is in danger* Everyone run!

    Using the ring Zach gave him, Lance creates a cube of bacon that encases the Monster Thing.

    Megan: Its okay, its allright, I got somethin that you gonna like!

    Michael: Not now!

    Chris: I'll take care of him once and for all! *runs towards monster thing with a rubber chicken screaming 'cluck cluck cluck!'*

    Logan: He's totally screwed.

    Cameron: I love Rick! giggle giggle giggle!

    A portal magically appears and Zach comes through it.

    Zach: Oh what the fuck? I could keep the purple hair? That is bullshit!

    Lance: Zach!

    Skipper: Zach!

    Dewayne: Bob! *Dewayne runs to Bob and kisses him. It kinda makes everyone sick*

    Zach: It's time I took care of this monster once and for all. Everyone stand back!

    *Everyone jumps back while Zach runs towards the monster*

    Monster thing: You again? you'll die just like las-!

    Zach totally kills monster thing.

    Dewayne: *pouring hot wax on his man tities* Mmmmm...thats hot.

    Bartney: Now we can go back to how everything was.

    Back at McDonalds

    Lance: Oh my god.

    Logan: No way

    Skipper: whoa

    Zach is flipping burgers again and once more flips out just like in pt. 2 and throws burgers at everyone screaming "I'm the burger man! Catch me if you can!".

    Zach: What the hell just happened? What the f*** about my mail?

    Lance: Dontcha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?

    End of story




    Submitted on 2007-03-09 10:01:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      

    *A mysterious door pops out of nowhere and Chuck Norris's head pops out*

    Chuck Norris: Did someone just say sexy?



    =]


    | Posted on 2007-10-26 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
      Lmao! I loved the Cloud and Sephiroth bit. Then Hiei pops up.
    Hiei: Do you think he knows it's a circle?
    Did you just ask me for hot ass.
    Sexy. Can't wait for the next bit tomorrow.
    | Posted on 2007-03-09 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]


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