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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wanning Moon, Waxing Sundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 890
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 882



    Description:
        A little different for me...but I kinda like it, lullaby-ish


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWanning Moon, Waxing Sundots
    -------------------------------------------


    Watch the sky, my dear one...
    My dear one...
    See the stars shinging?
    They shine on you,
    they shine for you,
    to grant you light against your night

    Watch the sky, my dear one...
    My dear one...
    See the sun so bright?
    It glows for your sake,
    but do beware,
    It may just burn your eyes,
    so fair

    Watch the sky, my dear one...
    My dear one...
    See the moon so sound?
    Its sheen is meant for you,
    for you,
    To ne'er be alone
    To ne'er be unknown

    Watch the sky, my dear one...
    My dear one...
    See the clouds above?
    They hide in night,
    they hide in light,
    to grant you shelter,
    whenever

    So watch the sky, my dear one...
    My dear one...
    Just watch the sky




    Submitted on 2007-03-09 14:41:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      yes it,s kind of like a lullaby,i could just imagine a mother rocking her child to sleep in her arms and whispering these words in to his/her ears.full of love and comfort (and a little warningly too.)i liked this a lot, i see you are only 15, you wright really good for your age..
    i,m impressed keep it up.
    take care
    tschüß
    | Posted on 2007-11-25 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it.... it sounds as if it were a song meant for somebody you really, really love. It also sounds as though it were a love declaration. It's sweet, enjoyable, and likeable and flows quite well. It's kind of stuck in my head right now like a new hit you listen to in the radio and can't stop singing it.

    My only suggestion would be change or get rid of the word "whenever" in stanza 4 which sorts of hinders the flow. Other than I would say that is a very nice and well written piece.


    Nice to read your stuff again,

    Smiles,

    Ethan



    | Posted on 2007-10-13 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      A freind told me that i should read some of the things you wrote, and im surely not displeased.
    The repitition of of "My dear one"
    Adds something to this in a way.
    It makes me think of an elder person and what they might say to a child; maybe in their time of dying. This may sound really weird, but a mother bird, talking to her young telling them all the wonders of the skys, and it is there for them, but what im saying might be way off.
    This is wonderful way to explain the ever changing cycles of the day and night sky.
    Now all i can really say is that i like this.
    Well peace
    Keep on keeping on.
    | Posted on 2007-03-16 00:00:00 | by WonderfulComa | [ Reply to This ]
      Different? You should see my Lord's Lullabye; it's written in another language--one that exists entirely inside of my head, at that.

    The rhythm's weird, but I have to say I could almost hear a melody in those words.

    Another beautiful write. This one's a 96--I'll take off for the fact that you spelled "waning" wrong in the title box...

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-03-09 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]


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