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emptiest day

Author: Deep Ace Thinks
ASL Info:    35/M/ Spring, TX
Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 124 /190 /60
Words: 246
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1216
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1583


emptiest day

a sigh

a laugh

a single tear

a thought

a dream

an unwhispered fear

all causes great

and small within rhyme

cleansing hearts cleft in twain

by distance and time

all these and more

kept in a small wooden box

holding candles of green

with untarnished locks

weathering alone

through dark skies and bright sun

faint echoes remain

in the midst of undone

like mirages unearthed

while time slips away

or a stillness of birth

on the emptiest day

Submitted on 2007-03-09 16:04:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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5: Wow!


  Why did you skip 7 lines between these:

"while time slips away

or a stillness of birth

on the emptiest day"

Instead of the usual 5? Also, what is the significance of the 14 spaces after the last line? Is it to continue the emptiness of the structure and the poem's intent, or is there a more insightful reason for it?

I really appreciate how there you undermine all of the fragments. You made the most mystical little hopes, absolutely flawed and mundane. All those human qualities have been abolished, in this empty day. It's quite wonderful, how you made the most emotional of simple words, become nothing, but mean everything in this piece. Like, you manipulate the words fantastically, and the formation as well. Everything is very well put together. These are true feelings, even when there are none. Superb.
| Posted on 2007-07-28 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]

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