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emptiest day


Author: Deep Ace Thinks
ASL Info:    35/M/ Spring, TX
Elite Ratio:    2.75 - 124 /190 /60
Words: 246
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1216
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1583



Description:




emptiest day



a sigh





a laugh





a single tear





a thought





a dream





an unwhispered fear





all causes great





and small within rhyme





cleansing hearts cleft in twain





by distance and time





all these and more





kept in a small wooden box





holding candles of green





with untarnished locks





weathering alone





through dark skies and bright sun





faint echoes remain





in the midst of undone





like mirages unearthed





while time slips away







or a stillness of birth







on the emptiest day













Submitted on 2007-03-09 16:04:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Why did you skip 7 lines between these:

"while time slips away







or a stillness of birth







on the emptiest day"

Instead of the usual 5? Also, what is the significance of the 14 spaces after the last line? Is it to continue the emptiness of the structure and the poem's intent, or is there a more insightful reason for it?

I really appreciate how there you undermine all of the fragments. You made the most mystical little hopes, absolutely flawed and mundane. All those human qualities have been abolished, in this empty day. It's quite wonderful, how you made the most emotional of simple words, become nothing, but mean everything in this piece. Like, you manipulate the words fantastically, and the formation as well. Everything is very well put together. These are true feelings, even when there are none. Superb.
| Posted on 2007-07-28 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]


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