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Working on Love

Author: PiperH
ASL Info:    17, F, Georgia
Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 253 /299 /172
Words: 131
Class/Type: Misc /Love
Total Views: 777
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 840


Working on Love

Take my heart
listen to it's beat
I hear yours
but it's down at my feet
I wanted to break it
you beat up mine
so I threw it to the ground
only to find
that it was already broke
you were already beaten
I decided to let it go
restore what was taken
but how can I do that
when I haven't any clue
I can't just stick it together
with Elmer's glue
it will take more
some time perhaps
you will have problems
but don't worry, relax
'cause I will fix you
we will be together
once this is all done
we'll stay happy forever
just do me one favor
when I'm done fixing you
can you do the same
and put me together too

Submitted on 2007-03-09 22:25:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  aww I really liked the concept and story of this poem. It is sweet. It's the common tale of two brokenhearts, but it's also those two brokenhearts helping each other.

I find that comforting. :)

As for the poem itself, I think you need to loosen up a little bit. It seems that, sometimes, you try to push things together to make it work.

Don't worry so much about rhyming perfect, just worry about flow.

Just to point out what I'm talking about:

"that it was already broke
and you were already beaten
I've decided to let it go
and restore what was taken"

when I was reading it, I got hung up on the third line. Maybe if you just said,

"I decide to let it go"

I wouldn't have had to pause and ruin the flow.

The poem was good, but these are just a couple helpful hints.

Good job

| Posted on 2007-03-09 00:00:00 | by slickviper097 | [ Reply to This ]

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