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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Other Woman dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladydeathstrike
    ASL Info:    27/F/Chicago
    Elite Ratio:    5.27 - 259/284/94
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 979



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Other Woman dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The woman in the other room is not my mother

    She, the knife who marks up my pale skin

    Sits in the kitchen swallowing the golden key

    Enchanted by its color, a sunset rainbow

    My freedom shred to microscopic pieces


    My mother is not mine

    Her embrace always cold

    Her touch intangible

    My dreams

    Broken


    Golden thread

    Velvet skin adorning

    Dictator of my life

    A constant reminder of control


    Suffocate me slowly emphasizing the pain

    Reminding me of sins, I innocently committed

    Carefully bathe in memories of blood crimes completed

    As Ghostly, shadows howling haunt my dark glowing grave


    My mother is not my own

    And I,

    Belong to no one





    Submitted on 2007-03-10 15:50:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well you know I love your mom! And she is only trying to protect you from the evils of the world, Its a scary world out here! Besides what freedoms do you need its not like your 18 yet cant do much of anything until than, and then you are stuck like me bored of everything and waiting for the big 21!

    Now, lets get down and dirty on your piece, It's really good and has a good flow to it. I love all the little contradictions in the second to last part, just lovely! When are you going to learn how to use punctuation marks?!?! They are you friend and can add more emphasis to your work, like the spaced out commas you added which are too few and far from each other.

    Remember your Mexican you cant enjoy the freedoms that males can! How dare you contradict tradition!! I'm just kidding, don't worry you will have your time.
    | Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by Snowball_24 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty good, it had a poetry spoken word jam sound to it, and the style of it fit pretty well with that. I can't say this is really my style, but I think for the style it is, it's quite good. It fits in well with the opressed feel of many beat poems, wanting to be free, not be associated with something you may be associated with. Cool piece.
    | Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]


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