The Other Woman by ladydeathstrike

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Submission Name: The Other Woman dots

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Author:	ladydeathstrike
ASL Info:	19/F/Chicago
Elite Ratio:	5.06 - 233/257/79
Words:	143

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nostalgia
Total Views:	90
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	979

Description:

The Other Woman dots

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The woman in the other room is not my mother

She, the knife who marks up my pale skin

Sits in the kitchen swallowing the golden key

Enchanted by its color, a sunset rainbow

My freedom shred to microscopic pieces

My mother is not mine

Her embrace always cold

Her touch intangible

My dreams

Broken

Golden thread

Velvet skin adorning

Dictator of my life

A constant reminder of control

Suffocate me slowly emphasizing the pain

Reminding me of sins, I innocently committed

Carefully bathe in memories of blood crimes completed

As Ghostly, shadows howling haunt my dark glowing grave

My mother is not my own

And I,

Belong to no one

Submitted on 2007-03-10 15:50:44 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
Well you know I love your mom! And she is only trying to protect you from the evils of the world, Its a scary world out here! Besides what freedoms do you need its not like your 18 yet cant do much of anything until than, and then you are stuck like me bored of everything and waiting for the big 21!

Now, lets get down and dirty on your piece, It's really good and has a good flow to it. I love all the little contradictions in the second to last part, just lovely! When are you going to learn how to use punctuation marks?!?! They are you friend and can add more emphasis to your work, like the spaced out commas you added which are too few and far from each other.

Remember your Mexican you cant enjoy the freedoms that males can! How dare you contradict tradition!! I'm just kidding, don't worry you will have your time.
| Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by Snowball_24 | [ Reply to This ]
This was pretty good, it had a poetry spoken word jam sound to it, and the style of it fit pretty well with that. I can't say this is really my style, but I think for the style it is, it's quite good. It fits in well with the opressed feel of many beat poems, wanting to be free, not be associated with something you may be associated with. Cool piece.
| Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]

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