Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Subloop V.02dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ben Gunn
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 62/84/40
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 389
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 768



    Description:
       Addiction is the scourge of mankind. Any age, any race, any creed. We all have to make choices for ourselves, however - and I'm no evangelist. Do what you need to do - but just realise that for every rainbow there has to be rain...

    ...hard damn rain and lots of it, sometimes...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSubloop V.02dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Not yet asleep but not truly awake,
    Hating yet needing the oncoming ache,
    Feeling good never felt so damn wrong,
    Alive, and aware after being dead for so long.

    No longer obscured but not fully revealed,
    Feeling pain from sores that will never be healed,
    Unlike life's scars which all eventually fade,
    Along with the memory of each mistake made,

    So let's keep each wound fresh, a reminder eternal,
    Keep the memories clear, but their scarring internal,
    Save the regrets, the guilt and the tears,
    and celebrate the great escape
    I've been trying to
    make
    for
    years...




    Ben Gunn 21.03.02 / 10.03.07




    Submitted on 2007-03-10 16:49:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I was slightly sad to see the predictability of this poem, the kind a sixth grader writes for a class assignment, a wavering attempt to find depth. You can do better then clichés like the rhyming scheme in here, what next?
    | Posted on 2007-03-29 00:00:00 | by Waywarddaughter | [ Reply to This ]
      You have all these interesting titles and the content just continues to turn out quite banal. You can do better. If you're really "old," then I have faith that you have more ability than a wretched high schooler like myself.

    melora
    | Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by Melora | [ Reply to This ]
      hi, not a bad call on life, good write. poe
    | Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked it. It was really meaningful. I usually dont like the predictability of end rhymes, but yours don't sound predictable at all. It's a great poem and it tells the story beautifully.
    | Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by DeeBaby6389 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    137444

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Genesis written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Stretto written by saartha
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Incubus written by monad
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry