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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: An Unspoken Understandingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: moonlitsky
    Elite Ratio:    5.96 - 70/44/15
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 985
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1191



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn Unspoken Understandingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I see you from across this room
    Our eyes locked to each other's
    As I ponder
    Why I fell for you in the first place
    I guess I will never really know
    Maybe it's the bond that grew
    Over the years of
    Playing spin the bottle
    And truth or dare
    Talking on the phone
    Til our throats were sore
    Passing notes in class
    Of how boring each seemingly long lesson was
    And how we wished we were older
    One can only guess the reason
    All I know is
    One day
    One fateful day
    Our laughter and teasing
    Our smiles to each other
    Grew
    Changed
    And though I can't quite explain into what
    I know now that what we have
    Is more than just a friendship
    Between a boy and a girl
    Our care for one another
    Evolved in time
    To love
    Or like
    But does it even matter?
    Now
    In this time, moment
    Cause though we fell together
    A certainty remains
    You had fallen earlier
    For the one that sits beside you
    Whilst you stare at me
    From across the room




    Submitted on 2007-03-11 09:51:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Kat, this verse is touching to read, and everyone who has ever fallen in love will relate to it! You have great sensitivity, and a developing skill as a writer that is delightful to see!
    | Posted on 2007-06-11 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      I disagree with Azuire
    I thought this poem was well written and also carried a lot of emotion
    So many of us have fallen in Love with someone who unfortunately feels that True Love has already been found
    All I can say is that the Emotion of Love is strong and is real
    I would say never give up when it comes to Love
    But always remember TRUE LOVE can only be found in the arms of Family
    Yes we can find Love as in a Relationship but I believe True Love can never be Found in a Relationship
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      ooowwww...I love this... real slice of life pieces are my favorite!!!

    The whole time I was thinking there's a real love in the making and every ones going to be living happily ever after. Then we go through the coming of...growth, friendship, support and love within eachothers eyes. All the while you're showing the snapshots of being young and having a whole life time ahead and what seems like forever behind you...AWESOME

    Then the end with the slap of reality that what is wanted cannot be...not now for he has found another before a future can take hold in one another as more then friends...heart breaking but you took this down a road that not many take. You made it a blow to the gut with a whisper...which is an amazing accomplishment as most do one or the other. This part I must say was my favorite as you gave what is truly heart wrenching a lilting voice of purity and beauty...amazing again...really

    I know now that what we have
    Is more than just a friendship
    Between a boy and a girl
    Our care for one another
    Evolved in time
    To love
    Or like
    But does it even matter?
    Now
    In this time, moment
    Cause though we fell together
    A certainty remains
    You had fallen earlier
    For the one that sits beside you
    Whilst you stare at me
    From across the room


    I can't say much more about this and if you really what a critique and not just compliments then I think maybe you could cut back on some of the 'not so necessary words'...the ones that take up more room then needed, because the impact would be there with out them and maybe even more so. But really this is quite the piece regardless of your choices...it is your work to do with as you will. I just think that when you have such a strong voice and it come through here, you don't need to over explain the obvious...little is more theory.

    and for this one I thank you as it was good to see...read!!!

    yep that'd be about it


    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm sounds to me like a typical mushy love/like poem. Not your forté, and I suggest you stay well away from this genre, frankly, it's highly overrated. I'm sure you can put a lot more life and effort into something that you really enjoy .
    It was allright to read, but very easily forgettable.
    Cheers!
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2007-03-11 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]


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