[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Something Unfinisheddots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 729
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1067

       I just liked the title...everything else came after

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomething Unfinisheddots

    You and I never should have happened
    But we did, a mistake that I regret
    At the time, I believed you loved me
    I figured that was all I'd ever get.

    You and I never should have kissed
    A melding of lips that haunts the unwary
    I never knew there would be such passion between us
    I never realized how heat could be scary.

    You and I never should have touched
    Electric currents passed between our hands
    You lit up my skin with your fingers
    I succumbed to your every demand.

    You and I never should have broken
    But you let us fall apart
    You found someone else to stoke your fires
    And you proceeded to break my heart.

    You and I should have been through
    But you just couldn't leave it be
    You had to have her
    And you still desired me

    You and I never should have been
    We never should have begun
    And we should have known that if we were
    Pieces of us would never be done.

    Submitted on 2007-03-11 22:09:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i to seem to be partial to this beacause i can relate so well to it. i like the simplistic nature of the writing in this, it gets to the point and to me the emotion really showed through. good job. i'de also try to re-word this write with a few metaphores or symbology..just to see how the overall feel of it would change..it might be kinda cool. but overall i really liked it.
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by aleksandra | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. Perhaps I am partial to it because I know the situation, or at least part of it, well. I know the pain to never should have happened, so I can relate. I thought you did a pretty good job with the rhyme scheme - maybe not flowy with gorgeous language, but simple and to the point... and it works for this poem. Thank you for sharing. I feel like favoriting this, and I will. :)
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good and I feel the exact same way about my ex who I broke up with only a couple weeks ago. I feel like we never should have happened. I like how you started every stanza with "you and I never should..." It makes the poem a lot better.

    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it. nice imagery, the emotion hits hard, v well done. i'm not one to live with regrets, but it reminds me of the one time i came close. keep it up
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2007-03-11 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]