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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Something Unfinisheddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 779
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1067



    Description:
       I just liked the title...everything else came after


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSomething Unfinisheddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You and I never should have happened
    But we did, a mistake that I regret
    At the time, I believed you loved me
    I figured that was all I'd ever get.

    You and I never should have kissed
    A melding of lips that haunts the unwary
    I never knew there would be such passion between us
    I never realized how heat could be scary.

    You and I never should have touched
    Electric currents passed between our hands
    You lit up my skin with your fingers
    I succumbed to your every demand.

    You and I never should have broken
    But you let us fall apart
    You found someone else to stoke your fires
    And you proceeded to break my heart.

    You and I should have been through
    But you just couldn't leave it be
    You had to have her
    And you still desired me

    You and I never should have been
    We never should have begun
    And we should have known that if we were
    Pieces of us would never be done.




    Submitted on 2007-03-11 22:09:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i to seem to be partial to this beacause i can relate so well to it. i like the simplistic nature of the writing in this, it gets to the point and to me the emotion really showed through. good job. i'de also try to re-word this write with a few metaphores or symbology..just to see how the overall feel of it would change..it might be kinda cool. but overall i really liked it.
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by aleksandra | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. Perhaps I am partial to it because I know the situation, or at least part of it, well. I know the pain to never should have happened, so I can relate. I thought you did a pretty good job with the rhyme scheme - maybe not flowy with gorgeous language, but simple and to the point... and it works for this poem. Thank you for sharing. I feel like favoriting this, and I will. :)
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good and I feel the exact same way about my ex who I broke up with only a couple weeks ago. I feel like we never should have happened. I like how you started every stanza with "you and I never should..." It makes the poem a lot better.

    -angel-
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by just an angel | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked it. nice imagery, the emotion hits hard, v well done. i'm not one to live with regrets, but it reminds me of the one time i came close. keep it up
    Regards, Kalinda
    | Posted on 2007-03-11 00:00:00 | by Kalinda | [ Reply to This ]


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