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    dots Submission Name: This Worlddots

    Author: Linzi
    ASL Info:    24.f.wales
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 80/100/94
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 973
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1105

       I wrote this when I was 13, not long after September 11th happened. I made the rhyme scheme a little different intentionally, so let me know how it works.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Worlddots

    This world is full of hatred
    Happiness sent away,
    Everything that is beautiful
    Is ruined every day.

    People suffer in silence
    Not speaking of the pain,
    But putting on a brave face
    To hide away stress and strain.

    Hopes and dreams are fading
    There is nothing left to do,
    This world is now a reflection of hell
    Everywhere it shows.

    Even as you read this
    Someoneís breaking down,
    Stop and think of these facts
    No-oneís perfect, no-one wears a crown.

    Childhood hopes and wishes
    Seem something of the past,
    No more hugs and kisses
    When we need them most.

    Pandoraís box has opened
    And hope was all that was left,
    Evil takes away the happiness
    And replaces it with nastiness.

    The world's a waking nightmare
    A place where kindness is banned,
    It makes the dream world bare
    Itís become a place I canít stand.

    © 2007
    All Rights Reserved

    Submitted on 2007-03-12 06:44:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Brilliant! I loved it too!

    Sharp, precise, concise, life - threateningly sullen and but enjoyable. I could really relate to this. You mention so many things that are true ... so many things that I'm just beginning to understand...

    ďPeople suffer in silence
    Not speaking of the pain,
    But putting on a brave face
    To hide away stress and strain.Ē

    This was so great Ö it fully mirrors what I am currently going through you know ... I've just started working after having graduated from college and I have realized how callous people can be .... Iím just learning how to be cynic ... because that's the only way one can survive.... thatís why I am so deeply identified with stanza 2 and the whole poem for that matter ....

    The last stanza is just perfect ... piercing and moving at the same time.... and when you say that the world is a place where kindness is banned ... for crying out loud!!!! Let me jus say that you hit the nail right on the head... and for what's worth ... I can't stand it either!!!! It makes me sick....

    This was just awesome.... itís sorts of echoes so many of my own worries....

    This will go right to my fav's

    Hope you have nice ... and if you want to talk or something don't hesitate in PM me or even sending me an email Ö.




    | Posted on 2007-05-27 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem. Okay, I'm lying. I loved it! Everything you wrote was so true. And I liked how it flowed easily.

    It's sad that the world is like hell. How people hide themselves from the world and why there is so much conflict and war about stupid stuff. I think this piece was very powerful and that's all I have to say.

    Keep on writing,
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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