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    dots Submission Name: A Deflated Balloondots

    Author: kma12790
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 28/41/18
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 547

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    dotsA Deflated Balloondots

    A deflated balloon
    With no will left to fly
    A bird on the ground
    Not soaring through the sky
    Dark, angry clouds
    On a sunny day
    A poem that doesnít rhyme
    A pain, a sadness deep inside
    That you canít push away
    Canít keep this monster at bay
    Itís taking over
    Demanding its way
    With no energy to fight it
    No happiness in sight
    Thereís nothing left to do
    But give in to its might

    Submitted on 2004-06-09 16:01:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this alot. There was splendid imagery that showed the horror that is depression. It is how everything feels. However, I think this would have been better if you would have elaborated on just one subject instead of jumping about to many different ones. But then again that's just me and I should not influence your work.-Kenji
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Kenji Light | [ Reply to This ]
      I posted a poem that involved a balloon and depression yesterday (Tethered). I like "A poem that doesnít rhyme" because I rarely write poetry that rhymes. However, it's weird that you say that in a poem that rhymes.
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Duh, I guess you meant that you're like a poem that doesn't rhyme because rhymed poetry tends to be happy (like nursery rhymes and such). I'll shut up now.
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Balloon metaphor! Yay! It's great, because balloons are usually associated with such happy things. That said, I think you could do without the word "you". You might try something like "that can't be pushed away" or some other such thing instead. But that's just a personal thing... not necessary . Anyway, good poem!
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Erchomenos | [ Reply to This ]

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