Scary Thoughts by Swimming Bird

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Submission Name: Scary Thoughts dots

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Author:	Swimming Bird
ASL Info:	22/m/AR
Elite Ratio:	5.34 - 76/68/20
Words:	76

Class/Type:	Poetry/Comedy
Total Views:	223
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	503

Description:
Just a little Silverstein-ish piece I wrote a couple years ago.

Scary Thoughts dots

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The light is out.
What do we do?
My foot has gout.
I have to poo.
The monsters under
My bed have smelt,
My decent thunder
And worse I've dealt.
Oh no! I think
I heard one cough.
I'm on the brink
Of falling off.
What was that!?
Something touched me.
Now I've sat
In a puddle of pee.
I want my mom!
I want my dad!
The light is on?!
Oh! that's too bad.

Submitted on 2007-03-12 09:58:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  and so the child grew to be
a lover of psychology
and all things twisted slightly off
which taught her demons not to cough
| Posted on 2009-05-11 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  This made me giggle, I like it, very random and sitting in pee really would suck and not to menton having to poo 2. This makes me want to rock back and forth.
| Posted on 2008-11-03 00:00:00 | by Lil gal | [ Reply to This ]
  So very cute!
Silverstein would be very proud of you. :)
Definetly brought a smile to my face, which was really nice.

| Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
  So cute! ahaha...It helps that I was listening to "why can't we be friends" by Sublime when I read this.
| Posted on 2007-04-03 00:00:00 | by Waywarddaughter | [ Reply to This ]
  This is seriously messed up. I loved reading it, although the ending was a tad wyrd...in the best possible way.

I believe in monsters under the bed.

GBG - Leah
| Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by MornSweetSong | [ Reply to This ]
   i really enjoyed this write, i like the wording you used to make it seem from a childs point of view. very interesting, very cool.
| Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by aleksandra | [ Reply to This ]
  I dont know if this is what you were going for with this write but I found it to be incrediblly sad
To me you are describing a little girl who has been abused in some way and is very afraid of the outside world and what it holds for her
I will never understand why people gain satisfaction from destroying a young innocent life by abuse
I thought the way you wrote this as if from a young small child was perfect
Excellent Job
Very Touching!!!
God Bless
Ron

I will be Praying for you
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I had a really interesting and slightly disturbing mental image. Slightly in a sonnet type set up yet it is direct and to the point. Very cool.

V.G. Komoscov
| Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Jose Ragnos | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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