One day at the peak of a volcano, 5 people were sitting around the huge opening thingy, the real name for it escapes me right now because I really don't care. These 5 people, Zach, Lance, Logan, Megan and Bartney were just, for some stupid reason, waiting for the volcano to explode.
Zach: *singing* What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
Lance: *doing a chorus* Don't hurt me, no more
Megan: Bacon
Bartney: Thats sexy
*a door magically appears and Chuck Norris's head pops out*
Chuck Norris: Did someone just say sexy?
*another door magically appears and Chuck Norris's head pops out of that one too*
Chuck Norris: Did someone just say sexy?
*another door pops up and this keeps happening for a long time and they all lived happily ever after and no one eve-*
Zach: What the f***? I don't think this story ends happily ever after, I still haven't found my plaque for 'Baby of the year, 1991' to show off- Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more- to people.
Lance: Dude, you really need to stop singing that crap.
Dewayne: Did you just ask me for some hot a$$?
Megan: Go pour hot wax on your man tities or something, gawd
Zach: *excited* Dudes! Did you know that that dog spelled backwards is jod? *think of someone actually saying it, not spelling it*
Bartney: Oh ma gawd Zach! You are such a genius! I wish I had your skin.
Logan: I want it when you die!
Lance: I want Dewayne's nipple wax!
Dewayne: Mmmm....thats sexy
*A door magically appears and Chuck Norris's head pops out but he just does a thumbs up*
Chuck Norris: *thumbs up*
Everyone: *Dies from the amazingness*
2 seconds later in some weird limbo place
Zach: What the hell? Why the f*** are we in some weird limbo pla-........mother f***er, why are my f***'s still being edited?
Author: Dude, shut the fuck up, you don't need to cuss anyways.
Lance: Cheese
Dewayne: Mmmmm, thats hot
Paris Hilton: Damn it, we've been through this, that is my line
Bartney: Bowchicabowow
Megan: Roses are red, some diamonds are blue, chivalry is dead but your still kinda cute
Lance: Hey, I can't keep my mind off of you, who you with, do you mind if I come through?
Megan: I'm out of this world, come with me to my planet, get you by my love if you think you can handle it
Lance: They call me Thomas, last name Crown, recognize game, I'm a lame wise down
Megan: I'm a big girl I can take care of myself, but if I get lonely I'm gonna need your help, I don't speak for my health
Lance: I want you on my team
Megan: So does everyone else
Zach: What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no-
Some big black dude: I dont mean no harm, I can see you with my t-shirt on
Shakira: I'm on tonight, you know my hips don't lie and I'm starting to feel ya boy
Singer dude from Nickelback: Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars, and live in hilltop houses driving 15 cars, the girls come easy and the drugs come cheap, we'll all stay skinny cause we just wont eat, and we'll hang out in the coo-
Skipper: *faggish girl scream* I hate Nickelback!
Michael Jackson: *singing in his awesome voice, I mean come on, its Michael Jackson! He's cooler than Chuck Norris!* It's close to midnight and somethin evil's lurkin in the dark, under the moonlight, you see a step and it almost stops your heart, you try to scream, but dare you make the sound before you make it, you start to freeze, and someone looks you between the eyes, your paralyzed, because thats the thriller, *high pitched* thriller, thriller night, and no ones gonna save you from the rhythm of the fright, thriller, thriller night, your fighting for your life, inside a, cana, adrena, the niigghhtt.
Zach: What the f*** was that about?
Author: So I just listened to that part in that song like 13 times to get it right, who cares?
Zach: I do you stupid d***. This isn't about Michael Freaking Jackson, even though he is more amazing than Chuck Norris, this is about me getting my damn mail back from Nordak.
Gridly Bear: I like to touch care bears
Dewayne: Thats sexy
Everyone: *waits for the door to magically appear*
*nothing appears*
Everyone: *Stares at author*
Author: How the hell is everyone staring at me when their just words?
Chinese man in asia: Ching tan hong po! *translated to english= I'm just words? I'm going to go cut myself and bleed to death while I think about what my life would be like if I were Zach Rigdon, baby of the year 1991 and the most perfect bone structure, smile and complection ever.
Logan: Thats why Chinese language is so cool, what looks like 3 words to us is actually like a freaking Harry Potter book to them.
Lance: Stfu you noob ass.
Author: Back to the story.
Everyone: *stares at author*
Author: What? I got tired of doing the whole magical door thing.
Megan: you lazy bastard.
Jon: Its okay, its alright, I got somethin that you gonna like.
Junne: goo goo ga ga
Everyone: She's so cute!
Zach: I want to eat her! Let me eat her! Get in my stomach!
Dewayne: Dude, you are such a freak, *proceeds to pouring hot wax on his man teets* Oooh ahhh, oh baby that feels so good.
Zach: Right, I'm the freak.
*The wall explodes and the Kool-aid man bust in*
Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!
Zach: Oh no you glass bastard
Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!
Zach: Son of a b****.
Diet coke:
Lance: This diet coke is so funny
Diet coke:
Logan: *laughs at diet coke* You are so funny!
Diet coke:
Zach: What the hell are you guys talking about?
Lance: The diet coke is hilarious, listen to it!
Diet coke:
Zach: right
*other wall blows open*
Jackie Chan: Whoa! did you see that? the wall blew up!
Bartney: Actually, it blew open
Jackie Chan: the point is, Logan and Lance need to fuse bodies to save the world!
Lance: oh yeah baby, this is gonna be awesome.
Logan: I wonder what we'll look like when our bodies fuse together.
Zach: What? Their twins though, they'll look the same as before but there'll just be one of them
Lance and Logan: *as one* Fu-sion-ha!
*Lance and Logan fuse together to become: Logance*
Logance: What do we look like?
Jackie Chan: They look different.
Zach: .......They look the f***ing same!
Megan: Hey big daddy.
Dewayne: hey
Megan: I'm not talking to you freak! Go make out with your watermelon or something!
Dewayne: *crying* Why can't anyone accept me for who I am?
Bartney: Because we don't like you.
Zach: Of course, he wants us to saw through our feet.
Logan: Your first.
Zach: *silence*................Bullshit.
Skipper: Your the one whose wasting time talking about the story
Zach: Whatever. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Skipper: What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
Dylan: I like cake
Matt: Whats mine say?
Logan: Sweet! What does mine say?
Matt: Dude! What does mine say?
Logan: Sweet! What does mine say?
Matt: Dude! What does mine say?
Logan: Sweet! What does mine say?
Matt: Oh you bastard
Logan: It says 'oh you bastard'? That's really not what I asked for.
Meanwhile at the bakery
Crazed bakery man: *sinister voice* Soon I shall create a doughnut man so big he can destroy the entire world and no one will ever call me crazy again! *evil weird sinister laugh*
Monkey: *jumps up and down pointing at crazed bakery man* Oooh ooooh ahhh ahhh!
Crazed bakery man: *see's monkey* Calm down mother! I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry *runs to monkey and cries*
Later that day
Bill Clinton: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, I wanted to, but I didn't
Megan: That's not how it goes
Author: I can turn you into a friggen homosexual goat Megan
Megan: *scared* Oh what was I thinking? Of course its right!
Bartney: Totally whipped by the author
Author: *singing* What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
Zach: *chorus* Don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
Author and Zach: What is love? Bab-
Lance: Mother f***er
5 minutes later
Everyone: *singing* What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
Zach: This story is so immature.......but I love it
Skipper: You don't get paid to love the story, oh wait, you don't get paid at all
Zach: What the hell? She's not even really here and I have to take this sh*t?
Just then in Tokyo
*huge explosion*
Chinese man:
Author:.........dude, aren't you gonna say something about poontang now?
Chinese man: No, I'm too used to the randomness of your stories.
Author: Holy crap! you can speak english?
Chinese man: Sheng ying poontang!
Bartney: Cheese
Dewayne: I hate goats. They walk around and get fed all day and don't have to go to stupid school for alot of dumb schoolin and they get milked and I should be getting milked instead.
Zach: Your an ass
Dewayne: You said that in Chuck Norris pt. 1
Zach: I know, but I really mean it this time, just like last time, and your also a real-
Dewayne: *Pours hot wax on his man tities*
Zach: You sick bastard
Dewayne: What is love?
Lance: Your not even singing it
David: *high pitched girly voice* f*** you!
James Montgomery: *with his lisp* Whoa dude!
Zach: Why is he in this?
Noah: I want to sex James's body so hard and make him scream my name
James: Thats hot. Do it!
Robert Langdon: Watch out for fanny, fanny's coming through
Logan: Isn't that the dude from that book The Da Vinci Code?
Lance: Yeah
Dewayne starts making out with his watermelon
Everyone: What the hell?
Diet coke:
Lance: This diet coke is so freaking funny!
Zach: Dude, stfu
Mr. Moxley: *dancing like Shakira and wearing a speedo and then shouts* MY HEART BLEEDS NO MORE!
Lance: Oh yeah, well my heart bleeds for the poison rose
Megan: What is love?
Bartney: Baby don't hurt me
Everyone: *chorus*
Zach: *singing in his awesome man voice* What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
Dewayne: What is lo-
Diet coke:
Dewayne: Don't cut me off you dick
Diet coke:
Dewayne: Oh its on now
Diet coke:
Dewayne: Your diet ass is mine *Dewayne drinks Diet coke*
Lance: *crying* why did you do that? *screams* WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Sue: Everyone, it is past 9:00 pm, you all need to go to bed
Zach: F*** that
Sue: Come here young man
Matt: What is love?
TT: Baby don't hurt me, no more
Zach: *runs away from Sue*
Then a magical camel from the land of chicken pot pie flies into the room on a magic carpet
Magical Camel: What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. Well dudes, I think that we should all go to the pal- *notices Dewayne rubbing hot wax on his man tities* What the hell?
Dewayne: *fag scream* I hate you all! *prances to his room*
Zach: Well, that wasn't strange at all.
Logance: Did you all forget about me?
Lance: What the?
Logan: Cause thats the thriller!
Megan: All through the night, I'll save you from the terror of the night
Bartney: I'll make you see, cause thats the thriller!
Gridly Bear: Cause thats the thriller!
Scene changes to the thriller music video
Zach: Holy schnike!
Strange voice from nowhere: Cheese
Lance: *girly scream*
Logan: Thats sexy
Everyone: Stares at Author again
Author: *blank expression* I've already explained why there's no door. Assholes.
Johnny Bravo: Hey momma
Random chick: Get away you perv
Zach: Story time! The little yellow duck was eating its corn, chomp chomp chomp, then Ms. Hen walked up to the little yellow duck and told the little yellow duck to give her his corn, but the little yellow duck said no, then the little yel-
Jonathan: Dude, shut the f*** up. No one cares about the damn little duck.
Megan: *cough* Little yellow duck *cough*
Jonathan: Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to get drunk and then we are going to wrestle.
Jonathan walks to the fridge and a magical portal opens up and sucks him in, never to be seen again.
Dewayne: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I wanted his skin!
Bob (watermelon):
Dewayne: Your right Bob, I still have you
Bob:
Dewayne: Oh stop, your so silly
Bob:
Zach: Weeirrd
Dewayne: *loud, harsh man voice* It puts the lotion on its skin!
Logan: okay okay, calm down *puts lotion on his skin*
Captain: Has anyone seen my fridge?
Zach: Umm....its at home Dad.
Captain: It can't be, someone asked me if it was running and it was and they told me I better chase after it but I don't know which way it went.
Everyone: *silent. A cricket chirp is heard*
Cecilee: What the hell am I doing in this story?
Zach: Yeah.......about that
Lance: We can sing!
Cecilee: Promiscuous boy, lets get to the point, cause we all alone, you ready?
Logan: They call me Thomas, last name Crown
Thomas Crown: What the hell?
Old man: Power is not the ability to cause pain, but the ability to control your anger and forgive.
Bob:
Dewayne: Bob's right, that is bullshit
Strange guy: Girl I'm a freak! You shouldn't say those things!
Zach: What the hell?
Dewayne: So I like pouring hot candle wax on my man tities, who really cares?
Megan: Everyone does when you sit right there in front of everyone and your all like 'durr, candle wax, durr durr'
Diet coke:
Lance: *with excitedness at seeing that Diet coke is back and clearly confused at the sexual feeling he's getting* Your back!
Diet Coke:
Dewayne: Damn, I thought I drunk that thing
Lance: *angry shout* HE'S NOT A THING!
Dewayne: *scuttles out of the room*
Cecilee: *does weird laughing fit thing she has everytime I, Zach Rigdon, talk to her*
Zach: Even in my stories she laughs non stop.
Cecilee: *still laughing and laughs even more at laughing.......she's just strange*
Lance: No one understands me. I'm depressed because of Star and have no life anymore. I based everything in my life around a whore that left me for a dead guy then had sex with a loser like 3 weeks later and gave him 2 sexually transmitted diseases, but I still love her, or I think I love her, but I don't yet realize that I don't know what real love is because she's my first girlfriend and we were together for 1 month and 3 weeks. But of course it was love because I say it is, I'm not doing it for the attention.
Zach: Dude.......what the f***? Your gonna do that sh*t in my stories too?
Logan: I miss Samantha!
Zach: God damn it
Skipper: Watch your language
Zach: In your face! Total facial LeFleur!
Wise man: Once you can take the pebble from my hand, your training shall begin
Dewayne: *fag voice* Oh Geezus Kryst! This is going to be so easy! *tries to snatch pebble but fails like 30 times* Geezus Kryst!
Bartney: *snatches pebble from the Wise mans hand* Now that wasn't so hard
Wise man: Oh geezus kryst! She did it! Sorry fag boy but the girl got it first
Dewayne: *stomps away to his room and cries while making out with Bob*
Old lady fromt pt. 1: Has anyone seen my cats?
Zach: Whoa dudes, I just remembered, I had a dream that involved a black pig last night!
Black pig: Dude, I'm about to f***in kiss you if you don't stop
Logan: Mmmm.....thats sexy
Everyone: *stares at Author*
Author: .....damn
*the door flies open and Chuck Norris pops out singing about disco dancing, then a bunch of cute manicured hands pulls him away*
Zach: Well, this really is a great story and all, but I'm gonna end this one here.
Chubbs: What about me?
Zach: Oh f***
End of story
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Submission Name: Chuck Norris Pt.4
