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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chuck Norris Pt.4dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insphered soul
    ASL Info:    19/M/ Hmmm?
    Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 450/382/94
    Words: 3293
    Class/Type: Story/Comedy
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 19600



    Description:
       Chuck Norris Pt.4 is the 4th installment in my Chuck Norris stories. While the stories themselve's are not really about Chuck Norris, I couldn't think of any other name for the title.




    Zach


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChuck Norris Pt.4dots
    -------------------------------------------


    One day at the peak of a volcano, 5 people were sitting around the huge opening thingy, the real name for it escapes me right now because I really don't care. These 5 people, Zach, Lance, Logan, Megan and Bartney were just, for some stupid reason, waiting for the volcano to explode.

    Zach: *singing* What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
    Lance: *doing a chorus* Don't hurt me, no more
    Megan: Bacon
    Bartney: Thats sexy

    *a door magically appears and Chuck Norris's head pops out*

    Chuck Norris: Did someone just say sexy?

    *another door magically appears and Chuck Norris's head pops out of that one too*

    Chuck Norris: Did someone just say sexy?

    *another door pops up and this keeps happening for a long time and they all lived happily ever after and no one eve-*

    Zach: What the f***? I don't think this story ends happily ever after, I still haven't found my plaque for 'Baby of the year, 1991' to show off- Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more- to people.

    Lance: Dude, you really need to stop singing that crap.

    Dewayne: Did you just ask me for some hot a$$?

    Megan: Go pour hot wax on your man tities or something, gawd

    Zach: *excited* Dudes! Did you know that that dog spelled backwards is jod? *think of someone actually saying it, not spelling it*

    Bartney: Oh ma gawd Zach! You are such a genius! I wish I had your skin.

    Logan: I want it when you die!

    Lance: I want Dewayne's nipple wax!

    Dewayne: Mmmm....thats sexy

    *A door magically appears and Chuck Norris's head pops out but he just does a thumbs up*

    Chuck Norris: *thumbs up*

    Everyone: *Dies from the amazingness*

    2 seconds later in some weird limbo place


    Zach: What the hell? Why the f*** are we in some weird limbo pla-........mother f***er, why are my f***'s still being edited?

    Author: Dude, shut the fuck up, you don't need to cuss anyways.

    Lance: Cheese

    Dewayne: Mmmmm, thats hot

    Paris Hilton: Damn it, we've been through this, that is my line

    Bartney: Bowchicabowow

    Megan: Roses are red, some diamonds are blue, chivalry is dead but your still kinda cute

    Lance: Hey, I can't keep my mind off of you, who you with, do you mind if I come through?

    Megan: I'm out of this world, come with me to my planet, get you by my love if you think you can handle it

    Lance: They call me Thomas, last name Crown, recognize game, I'm a lame wise down

    Megan: I'm a big girl I can take care of myself, but if I get lonely I'm gonna need your help, I don't speak for my health

    Lance: I want you on my team

    Megan: So does everyone else

    Zach: What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no-

    Some big black dude: I dont mean no harm, I can see you with my t-shirt on

    Shakira: I'm on tonight, you know my hips don't lie and I'm starting to feel ya boy

    Singer dude from Nickelback: Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars, and live in hilltop houses driving 15 cars, the girls come easy and the drugs come cheap, we'll all stay skinny cause we just wont eat, and we'll hang out in the coo-

    Skipper: *faggish girl scream* I hate Nickelback!

    Michael Jackson: *singing in his awesome voice, I mean come on, its Michael Jackson! He's cooler than Chuck Norris!* It's close to midnight and somethin evil's lurkin in the dark, under the moonlight, you see a step and it almost stops your heart, you try to scream, but dare you make the sound before you make it, you start to freeze, and someone looks you between the eyes, your paralyzed, because thats the thriller, *high pitched* thriller, thriller night, and no ones gonna save you from the rhythm of the fright, thriller, thriller night, your fighting for your life, inside a, cana, adrena, the niigghhtt.

    Zach: What the f*** was that about?

    Author: So I just listened to that part in that song like 13 times to get it right, who cares?

    Zach: I do you stupid d***. This isn't about Michael Freaking Jackson, even though he is more amazing than Chuck Norris, this is about me getting my damn mail back from Nordak.

    Gridly Bear: I like to touch care bears

    Dewayne: Thats sexy

    Everyone: *waits for the door to magically appear*

    *nothing appears*

    Everyone: *Stares at author*

    Author: How the hell is everyone staring at me when their just words?

    Chinese man in asia: Ching tan hong po! *translated to english= I'm just words? I'm going to go cut myself and bleed to death while I think about what my life would be like if I were Zach Rigdon, baby of the year 1991 and the most perfect bone structure, smile and complection ever.

    Logan: Thats why Chinese language is so cool, what looks like 3 words to us is actually like a freaking Harry Potter book to them.

    Lance: Stfu you noob ass.

    Author: Back to the story.

    Everyone: *stares at author*

    Author: What? I got tired of doing the whole magical door thing.

    Megan: you lazy bastard.

    Jon: Its okay, its alright, I got somethin that you gonna like.

    Junne: goo goo ga ga

    Everyone: She's so cute!

    Zach: I want to eat her! Let me eat her! Get in my stomach!

    Dewayne: Dude, you are such a freak, *proceeds to pouring hot wax on his man teets* Oooh ahhh, oh baby that feels so good.

    Zach: Right, I'm the freak.

    *The wall explodes and the Kool-aid man bust in*

    Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!

    Zach: Oh no you glass bastard

    Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!

    Zach: Son of a b****.

    Diet coke:

    Lance: This diet coke is so funny

    Diet coke:

    Logan: *laughs at diet coke* You are so funny!

    Diet coke:

    Zach: What the hell are you guys talking about?

    Lance: The diet coke is hilarious, listen to it!

    Diet coke:

    Zach: right

    *other wall blows open*

    Jackie Chan: Whoa! did you see that? the wall blew up!

    Bartney: Actually, it blew open

    Jackie Chan: the point is, Logan and Lance need to fuse bodies to save the world!

    Lance: oh yeah baby, this is gonna be awesome.

    Logan: I wonder what we'll look like when our bodies fuse together.

    Zach: What? Their twins though, they'll look the same as before but there'll just be one of them

    Lance and Logan: *as one* Fu-sion-ha!

    *Lance and Logan fuse together to become: Logance*

    Logance: What do we look like?

    Jackie Chan: They look different.

    Zach: .......They look the f***ing same!

    Megan: Hey big daddy.

    Dewayne: hey

    Megan: I'm not talking to you freak! Go make out with your watermelon or something!

    Dewayne: *crying* Why can't anyone accept me for who I am?

    Bartney: Because we don't like you.

    Zach: Of course, he wants us to saw through our feet.

    Logan: Your first.

    Zach: *silence*................Bullshit.

    Skipper: Your the one whose wasting time talking about the story

    Zach: Whatever. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

    Skipper: What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

    Dylan: I like cake

    Matt: Whats mine say?

    Logan: Sweet! What does mine say?

    Matt: Dude! What does mine say?

    Logan: Sweet! What does mine say?

    Matt: Dude! What does mine say?

    Logan: Sweet! What does mine say?

    Matt: Oh you bastard

    Logan: It says 'oh you bastard'? That's really not what I asked for.


    Meanwhile at the bakery

    Crazed bakery man: *sinister voice* Soon I shall create a doughnut man so big he can destroy the entire world and no one will ever call me crazy again! *evil weird sinister laugh*

    Monkey: *jumps up and down pointing at crazed bakery man* Oooh ooooh ahhh ahhh!

    Crazed bakery man: *see's monkey* Calm down mother! I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry *runs to monkey and cries*


    Later that day

    Bill Clinton: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, I wanted to, but I didn't

    Megan: That's not how it goes

    Author: I can turn you into a friggen homosexual goat Megan

    Megan: *scared* Oh what was I thinking? Of course its right!

    Bartney: Totally whipped by the author

    Author: *singing* What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

    Zach: *chorus* Don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

    Author and Zach: What is love? Bab-

    Lance: Mother f***er


    5 minutes later

    Everyone: *singing* What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

    Zach: This story is so immature.......but I love it

    Skipper: You don't get paid to love the story, oh wait, you don't get paid at all

    Zach: What the hell? She's not even really here and I have to take this sh*t?



    Just then in Tokyo

    *huge explosion*

    Chinese man:

    Author:.........dude, aren't you gonna say something about poontang now?

    Chinese man: No, I'm too used to the randomness of your stories.

    Author: Holy crap! you can speak english?

    Chinese man: Sheng ying poontang!

    Bartney: Cheese

    Dewayne: I hate goats. They walk around and get fed all day and don't have to go to stupid school for alot of dumb schoolin and they get milked and I should be getting milked instead.

    Zach: Your an ass

    Dewayne: You said that in Chuck Norris pt. 1

    Zach: I know, but I really mean it this time, just like last time, and your also a real-

    Dewayne: *Pours hot wax on his man tities*

    Zach: You sick bastard

    Dewayne: What is love?

    Lance: Your not even singing it

    David: *high pitched girly voice* f*** you!

    James Montgomery: *with his lisp* Whoa dude!

    Zach: Why is he in this?

    Noah: I want to sex James's body so hard and make him scream my name

    James: Thats hot. Do it!

    Robert Langdon: Watch out for fanny, fanny's coming through

    Logan: Isn't that the dude from that book The Da Vinci Code?

    Lance: Yeah

    Dewayne starts making out with his watermelon

    Everyone: What the hell?

    Diet coke:

    Lance: This diet coke is so freaking funny!

    Zach: Dude, stfu

    Mr. Moxley: *dancing like Shakira and wearing a speedo and then shouts* MY HEART BLEEDS NO MORE!

    Lance: Oh yeah, well my heart bleeds for the poison rose

    Megan: What is love?

    Bartney: Baby don't hurt me

    Everyone: *chorus*

    Zach: *singing in his awesome man voice* What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

    Dewayne: What is lo-

    Diet coke:

    Dewayne: Don't cut me off you dick

    Diet coke:

    Dewayne: Oh its on now

    Diet coke:

    Dewayne: Your diet ass is mine *Dewayne drinks Diet coke*

    Lance: *crying* why did you do that? *screams* WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

    Sue: Everyone, it is past 9:00 pm, you all need to go to bed

    Zach: F*** that

    Sue: Come here young man

    Matt: What is love?

    TT: Baby don't hurt me, no more

    Zach: *runs away from Sue*

    Then a magical camel from the land of chicken pot pie flies into the room on a magic carpet

    Magical Camel: What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. Well dudes, I think that we should all go to the pal- *notices Dewayne rubbing hot wax on his man tities* What the hell?

    Dewayne: *fag scream* I hate you all! *prances to his room*

    Zach: Well, that wasn't strange at all.

    Logance: Did you all forget about me?

    Lance: What the?

    Logan: Cause thats the thriller!

    Megan: All through the night, I'll save you from the terror of the night

    Bartney: I'll make you see, cause thats the thriller!

    Gridly Bear: Cause thats the thriller!

    Scene changes to the thriller music video

    Zach: Holy schnike!

    Strange voice from nowhere: Cheese

    Lance: *girly scream*

    Logan: Thats sexy

    Everyone: Stares at Author again

    Author: *blank expression* I've already explained why there's no door. Assholes.

    Johnny Bravo: Hey momma

    Random chick: Get away you perv

    Zach: Story time! The little yellow duck was eating its corn, chomp chomp chomp, then Ms. Hen walked up to the little yellow duck and told the little yellow duck to give her his corn, but the little yellow duck said no, then the little yel-

    Jonathan: Dude, shut the f*** up. No one cares about the damn little duck.

    Megan: *cough* Little yellow duck *cough*

    Jonathan: Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to get drunk and then we are going to wrestle.

    Jonathan walks to the fridge and a magical portal opens up and sucks him in, never to be seen again.

    Dewayne: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I wanted his skin!

    Bob (watermelon):

    Dewayne: Your right Bob, I still have you

    Bob:

    Dewayne: Oh stop, your so silly

    Bob:

    Zach: Weeirrd

    Dewayne: *loud, harsh man voice* It puts the lotion on its skin!

    Logan: okay okay, calm down *puts lotion on his skin*

    Captain: Has anyone seen my fridge?

    Zach: Umm....its at home Dad.

    Captain: It can't be, someone asked me if it was running and it was and they told me I better chase after it but I don't know which way it went.

    Everyone: *silent. A cricket chirp is heard*

    Cecilee: What the hell am I doing in this story?

    Zach: Yeah.......about that

    Lance: We can sing!

    Cecilee: Promiscuous boy, lets get to the point, cause we all alone, you ready?

    Logan: They call me Thomas, last name Crown

    Thomas Crown: What the hell?

    Old man: Power is not the ability to cause pain, but the ability to control your anger and forgive.

    Bob:

    Dewayne: Bob's right, that is bullshit

    Strange guy: Girl I'm a freak! You shouldn't say those things!

    Zach: What the hell?

    Dewayne: So I like pouring hot candle wax on my man tities, who really cares?

    Megan: Everyone does when you sit right there in front of everyone and your all like 'durr, candle wax, durr durr'

    Diet coke:

    Lance: *with excitedness at seeing that Diet coke is back and clearly confused at the sexual feeling he's getting* Your back!

    Diet Coke:

    Dewayne: Damn, I thought I drunk that thing

    Lance: *angry shout* HE'S NOT A THING!

    Dewayne: *scuttles out of the room*

    Cecilee: *does weird laughing fit thing she has everytime I, Zach Rigdon, talk to her*

    Zach: Even in my stories she laughs non stop.

    Cecilee: *still laughing and laughs even more at laughing.......she's just strange*

    Lance: No one understands me. I'm depressed because of Star and have no life anymore. I based everything in my life around a whore that left me for a dead guy then had sex with a loser like 3 weeks later and gave him 2 sexually transmitted diseases, but I still love her, or I think I love her, but I don't yet realize that I don't know what real love is because she's my first girlfriend and we were together for 1 month and 3 weeks. But of course it was love because I say it is, I'm not doing it for the attention.

    Zach: Dude.......what the f***? Your gonna do that sh*t in my stories too?

    Logan: I miss Samantha!

    Zach: God damn it

    Skipper: Watch your language

    Zach: In your face! Total facial LeFleur!

    Wise man: Once you can take the pebble from my hand, your training shall begin

    Dewayne: *fag voice* Oh Geezus Kryst! This is going to be so easy! *tries to snatch pebble but fails like 30 times* Geezus Kryst!

    Bartney: *snatches pebble from the Wise mans hand* Now that wasn't so hard

    Wise man: Oh geezus kryst! She did it! Sorry fag boy but the girl got it first

    Dewayne: *stomps away to his room and cries while making out with Bob*

    Old lady fromt pt. 1: Has anyone seen my cats?

    Zach: Whoa dudes, I just remembered, I had a dream that involved a black pig last night!

    Black pig: Dude, I'm about to f***in kiss you if you don't stop

    Logan: Mmmm.....thats sexy

    Everyone: *stares at Author*

    Author: .....damn

    *the door flies open and Chuck Norris pops out singing about disco dancing, then a bunch of cute manicured hands pulls him away*

    Zach: Well, this really is a great story and all, but I'm gonna end this one here.

    Chubbs: What about me?

    Zach: Oh f***


    End of story




    Submitted on 2007-03-12 10:02:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      YAY!! ALL THE WAY UP TO PT 4!!!!!

    now finish pt. 7


    love you


    +Moz+
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know what to say. I'm just sittin' here lmao. Did someone just say sexy? Ohhh. Can't wait for the rest.
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]


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