'Hope is very small;'

Author: LucyDiamond ASL Info:    17/F/Sky Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 365 /575 /251 Words: 112

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1429 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 745

Description:

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'Hope is very small;'

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Hope is very small; seedlings, smiles, me. —pieces of disaster! Tiny pebbles hit me from all sides, but... we’ll laugh them all away! Beginnings are, well... very, very large, I would say! Then, they s h r i n k: like so. Like so many, we grow our years longer, l o n g e r... and our futures grow much, much shorter. Something else is: missing, lost, boring, apprehensive, too serious, uncertain, unclear, unpredictable! redundant, depressing, etc... but! ha ha HA!

Submitted on 2007-03-12 16:48:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

This was really good, things dull over time, we want to have hope, but with all the other things to feel, hope seems very insignificant in the end. How can I have hope when everything around me is growing away, when nothing makes sense, depression, what was it I even wanted to have hope for? I really liked this concept.

| Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]

Then, they s h r i n k: like so. Like so many, we grow our years longer, l o n g e r... Alright... the problem I see with this bit of the poem is that the effect you use to make 'shrink' is the same you use to make 'longer' On the page they cancel each other out and it just becomes confusing visually. Perhaps leave s h r i n k shrink then, on the next line, put a line break between 'like so' and 'like so many' I think it would clear up the meaning of the poem visually, especially since you seem to really rely on the visual aspect of your poem for meaning.

| Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]

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