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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oenonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Erchomenos
    ASL Info:    19/F/Montreal
    Elite Ratio:    5.19 - 260/85/19
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1443
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 973



    Description:
       Just another Greek myth I've mangled a bit. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start getting some ideas of my own... I swear, as it is, the ancients are turning in their graves. This doesn't HAVE to be read from Oenone's POV, I guess, but if anyone's interested, Oenone was the wife Paris left for Helen. When he was injured, she was the only one whe could heal him. She refused, he died, she committed suicide. I tried to give this a modern flair... Poor Oenone... I think I may be really misrepresenting her here...


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    dotsOenonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    So sick of diving
    into your eyes; those
    hollow oceans tinged with

    sickly effervescent green.
    Yet when the time comes for
    you to leave I'll cry real 7-Up tears.

    Oh what a fool I've been to
    believe your lies, lips full
    of silk but tongue full of

    worms. My mother Ida laughed,
    cried tears of mirth that cascaded
    down her cracked and wizened

    cheeks like some old hag that
    time has forgotten. Not even
    worth spitting upon. "Look at

    the loss you've suffered," she
    heckles. "I raised you up for
    that." And for once, I agree.

    My dearest heartbreak, when
    you've sated your lust for her
    golden beauty and come crawling

    back to me anticipating healing,
    don't expect my shattered
    heart to bind your wounds.




    Submitted on 2004-06-09 16:37:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey this was cool... quite unique. good imagery used. look fwd to reading more from you. like the structure of the stanzas too :)
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Broken | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is very good. I love so many of the lines here like "hollow oceans tinged with/sickly effervescent green" and "lips full/of silk but tongue full of/worms."
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      greeks are so genial sometimes, and yet when they are melancholy, boy are they ever melancholy...you have a great start on this one, i completely would have forgotten about Oenone and its good to have refreshers every once and a while...there are so muany names and people and lusts and loves and deaths and mistresses and all the rest...such an inhibition-less world to be in a greek myth...i enjoyed this, look forward to more! i think it would compliment your work a bit more if the lines were slightly longer, just a few words could add so much more detail, feeling, image...thats it. write on, darlin'! ~april
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by leper messiah | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! you know... i love this twisting of mythology... you do it so well! i love this... i love how you paint the mother - an old hag that time has forgotten- and the whole mother/daughter relationship with mother almost saying "i told you so!" but the end... i like the end most of all... the last stanza is just so WOW... awesome write!
    | Posted on 2004-06-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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