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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She wanted (altered version) dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: allmine
    ASL Info:    25/chick/your nightmares
    Elite Ratio:    2.52 - 33/69/45
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 907
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 290



    Description:
       most dont exactly get this piece... if you look at it closelyhe gave her everything she wanted.. frm keeping her from getting her heart broken all the way to helping her end her life... you have to read it like it was over time.. wht you want always changes


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe wanted (altered version) dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She wanted to know what love is
    So you showed it to her
    She wanted to hide from the heartbreak
    So you hid her from it all
    She wanted to feel the pain
    so you handed her the blade
    She wanted to be numb
    So you took her life away.......




    Submitted on 2007-03-13 12:24:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You grabbed my attention with the first few lines the style of one thing and she received the opposite of what she wanted. I wanted to know why she ended up alone and numb
    | Posted on 2007-03-14 00:00:00 | by BrokenStream | [ Reply to This ]
      Did you think about this before you decieded to post it. I mean, I liked how you drew me in with the heading "She Wanted"I wanted to know what, then the poem examplifies that. However, the orginiztion could use more thought, but just a little. Overall, It was sweet and simple. :)
    | Posted on 2007-03-14 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      This really good for being such a short piece...the only thing is Try to take out of all the "SO" it makes the piece flow better n keep the reader a sence of urgency n what going to happen other than that it was good...

    well hope to hear from ya n keep up the good work...

    Max
    Aka
    Lil'Mix
    | Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by theman | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece is short but very sobering...it's amazing that you can convey an emotion so clearly in only a few lines...i look forward to reading more of your work.
    emily
    | Posted on 2007-03-13 00:00:00 | by only_a_dreamX | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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