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    dots Submission Name: Fire Withindots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 882
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 553


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    dots Fire Withindots

    The fire of desire burning hot.
    Flames climbing up ropes and undoing knots.
    Streaming across the land toward that forbidden forest.
    Fire screaming in harmony united fiery chorus.
    Rain putting out the fire through the night.
    From your touch my heart begins again to ignite.
    Burn down the forest and lighten the darkened path.
    Torrid ground something re-growing from the blackened ash.
    The ash covered flower reaching toward the sky.
    All of this taking place in the pupil of your eye.

    Submitted on 2004-02-01 00:39:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      All of this taking place before the pupils of my eyes, seeing a master at work.And you certainly have you formulas perfect.

    Torrid ground something re-growing from the blackened ash.

    That line alone was flaming and burning away my little torch in the cave in the search of 'juiciness', which was good.Another thing I see this deals with is the power of a touch, a powerful one from a certain person.
    While also having to do with frequencies, feelings, the moments when hairs stand up.
    Fire with slight zaps of electrode within body heat.
    Eh, I might have looked into it 'too' much and that is only because once I find something I read that I chase after.I study it like pixels of a beach or snapshots then the film presentation of the authors/writers production and I get this sense that you have a unique was of positioning the words that captivate and illustrate for the reader side by side with precise balance of coming out with something significant.

    Streaming across the land toward that forbidden forest.

    Sounds as if it says.
    "I'm letting you in a place inside of me that I rarely give access to anyone."
    Or I could be wrong and off.
    I indeed love the mysterious aspect as well.
    As the side character does not know what it actually take place at that very second internally of the main character, if that came out correctly on my part just there.

    Didn't have a second thought for the title though because when I looked at it I knew automatically that is had something to do with the inside of someone or something.

    Definitely unique and loud to the eyes and mind like the sight of wildfire.

    Well done dude.
    | Posted on 2011-01-26 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. Great imagery. Intense. I agree on the gasoline thing, though. Maybe change it to just fiery chorus. Just a thought. Good job.
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by Scribner | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the intense fiery imagery, and the way the fire flares and recedes.(only i didn't like the gasoline for some reason?)My fave line was the flames climbing up ropes and untying knots,,,suggests to me of freedom, a letting loose,..like passion.
    | Posted on 2004-02-01 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey man, great imagery. I dig this one.
    | Posted on 2004-02-01 00:00:00 | by DevilDinosaur | [ Reply to This ]

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