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Chuck Norris Pt.5

Author: insphered soul
ASL Info:    19/M/ Hmmm?
Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 450 /382 /94
Words: 5658
Class/Type: Story /Comedy
Total Views: 1742
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 31907


Pt. 5 is here.

Chuck Norris Pt.5

Our story continues from Chuck Norris pt. 4. Chubbs had just asked Zach what about him meaning what about his part in the story. Zach replied 'oh f***' and that is where our story continues.

Zach: Oh f***

Chubbs: You forgot about me didn't you?

Dewayne: He did

Zach: Dewayne, not now

Lance: Do you guys hear that?

Diet coke: " "

Lance: *laughing hysterically* OMG! This Diet coke is so funny!

Bob: " "

Dewayne: Bob's right, that is bullshit

Logan: Bubbles

Zach: *challenges* Innervision

Logan: B.Y.O.B

Zach: Jet Pilot

Logan: Boom!

Zach: Chop Suey!

Skipper: *confused look* What are they doing?

Diet coke: " "

Lance: Oh my god! Hahahahahahahaha!

Dewayne: *pouring hot wax on his man tities* Ooooh geezus! Their having a S.O.A.D song name contest, who can name more System of a down songs an-

Diet coke: " "

Dewayne: Stop cutting me off you diet bastard

Diet coke: " "

Dewayne: oh, it so on you lit-

Diet coke: " "

Dewayne: Son of a bitch

Lance: I've, become so numb I can't feel you there, tired of being what you want me to be

Logan: I've become so numb.

Bob (watermelon): " "

Zach: Oh god

Dewayne: Bob's right, the Chinese people really should think about signing a peach treaty with America and the other countries, and he's also right in saying that Michael Jackson is awesome

Bob: " "

Dewayne: *crying* I love you too Bob!

Zach: Dude, what the f*** is wro- *dawning comprehension face* MOTHER F***ER, my f***'s are still being edited? Even in pt.5? Son of a bitch *eyes wide and sinister expression*

Author: Oh damn, why did I have to give him a sinister expression?

Sinister Banana's: *Shouting* WE ARE SINISTER! FEAR US! WE WILL RULE YOU ALL!

Zach: I don't think so *does awesome transformation thing with the purple hair*

Purple haired Zach: Still think your going to?

Sinister Banana's: *quivering* No O great leader of planet Yenos!

Zach: *back to normal form* Didn't think so.

Dewayne: Thats sexy

* a door magically appears and Chuck Norris's head pops out*

Chuck Norris: Oh please god, stop saying that word, they pull my hair out when they pull me back through, please god don- *mob of girls pulls him back through*

White Goodman: Fuckin Chuck Norris

Skipper: What he said

Logance: I'm still here

Lance: Dude, I'm about to kiss you if you don't shut the f*** up

Bob: " , ! ? "

Dewayne: Bob's right, anger is bad.

Zach: What the f***?

Jackie Chan: Chris! We must defeat the sea monster!

Pirate Steve: Garr, Joe's be the only place for Steve

Super man: *flies in* Whatcha got, whatcha want, whatcha need?

Logan: I like pie

Diet coke: " "

Lance: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This Diet coke is awesome!

Bob: " "

Diet coke: " ! "

Bob: " ?"

Diet coke: " !?!?!?!?"

Lance: Oh my god! You two are funny!

Dewayne: *laughing so hard he chokes* two are!!

Megan: Now that that is over with, we can move to the land of nowhere to spend time somewhere

Bartney: If pete and repeat are sitting on a bench an pete falls off, who's left?

Dewayne: *the only one stupid enough to fall for it* repeat

Bartney: If pete and repeat are sitting on a bench an pete falls off, who's left?

Dewayne: repeat

Bartney: *sigh* Your a f***ing idiot

Dewayne: repeat?

Zach: You never heard a damn word I said, you never believed in anything I did

Chuck Norris: *falls through doorway and has lipstick kisses all over his face* Oh god! please hide me! please!

Skipper: Let his ass be taken away

Lance: Now thats not very nice

Skipper: shut the hell up bitch

Lance: *scared* yes ma'am.

Zach: haha

Skipper: You too

Zach: *terrified* I'm so sorry, please please please don't hurt me

Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!

Bob: " "

Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!

Dewayne: No! he's mine you glass bitch!

Kool-aid man: *angry face* Oh yeah!

Dewayne: Oh no, naughty naughty Kool-aid.

Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!

Lance: No, you fix that wall before my dad gets home from work, he's gonna beat me with a belt. He's not gonna believe a talking bowl of fruit punch came in here.

Diet coke: " "

Lance: Even in a serious situation your funny as hell!

Diet coke: *rolls away*

Tom Hanks: *screaming and crying* Come back Wilson! Come back! I'm sorry Wilson!

Zach: Wrong story man

Chuck Norris: More like wrong movie

Tom Hanks: Oh, sorry, my bad. I'm supposed to be leaving an island but my producer is a dumb dick and fucked it up

Everyone: *stares at Author*

Zach: *pissy look on face* Dude, what the f***?

Author: My hands are tied dudes, Tom Hanks wasn't supposed to be in this. There's nothing I can do, I just can't edit him.

Zach: You son of a bi-

*Author rewrites Zach as a mute*

Zach: *jumping up and down giving the Author the bird*

Author: Hey, I can rewrite you as a homosexual

Zach: *stops jumping and bows to Author in apology while secretly thinking of taking over the world along side of the legendary Link, then Lolo from the game Lolo walks in and starts dancing like a crazy monkey followed by the destruction of planet Yenos was a very hard hit to the people of Yenos, seeing as how their all dead now and in other news........*

Zach: What the hell?

Monkey: *points at Zach and screams*

Lance: I could just kiss you

Just then, a river troll jumps forward and steals Zach's mail again.

Zach: Mother f***er, I'm tired of this sh*t.

Juggernaut: I'm the Juggernaut bitch!

Logan: Oh no, naughty naughty Kool-aid

Kool-aid man: Oh yeah!

Phil Collins: There's not much left to go around, tell my why this is the land of confusion.

Bob: " "

Zach: That's not the lyrics you dumb dick

Bob: *angry face*

Lance: *clearly homosexual* How the hell does a watermelon have a angry face?

Zach's football player on the football game he and Jonathan are playing fumbles the ball and Jonathan's player recovers it.

Zach: *angry* He's clearly drunk!

Jonathan: Dude, it's just a game

Zach: Stfu you drunk bastard

Jonathan: I'm not drunk, but I can be

Bartney: Dun dun dun!

Logance: I like to cook, y'know? I'm really good with spices.

Lance: What a fag

Logan: Yeah

Dewayne: He is you guys combined, you do know that right?

Joe: *does spider hand thing*

Bob: " !!"

Dewayne: Bob, you are so funny!

Zach: Dude, what the hell? You are like the only person who can understand what that damn watermelon says.

Dewayne: Don't talk about him like that!

*Dewayne walks through door but he looks all cool and is carrying a huge shot gun in his pants*

Dewayne: Yo dudes

Zach: What the hell?

Lance: What the hell?

Logan: That's hot

Paris Hilton: That is my line bitch

First Dewayne: Oh my geezus! He's here! He found me!

Dewayne: Who the hell is that?

Muffin: Red Razr!

Logan: Are you hinting at something?

Apples: I dyed my hair!

Zach: So we've noticed, but back to the living paradox here

New Dewayne: Oh damn, I know what this is. He's my homosexual clone. The cloning experiment went wrong.

Zach: I guess that explains him always pouring candle wax on his man tities

Homosexual Dewayne: *pouring hot candle wax on his man tities*

New Dewayne: I think it's time you left.

Pikachu: Pika Pika, pikachu, pika

Squirtle: Squirtle squirt squirtle

Pikachu: Pika pika, pikachu, pika pika

Squirtle: Squirtle squirt squir- oh what the f*** am I saying? This sh*t makes no sense at all

Pikachu: *terrified wisper* read the line Squirtle or you'll get gased.

Megan: The hell?

Tyler: I'm a homo!

Dewayne: sexy

*door magically appears and the real Dewayne turns out to be the homosexual Dewayne so everyone throws the other cool Dewayne through the portal*

Homosexual Dewayne: *girly scream* Yay!!!!

Strange man: why I eyes ya, all the live long day

Bob: " "

Lance: Bob's right, if we all come together around the world, everyone can eat ice cream and ride goats around east Asia and then we can all go out for some dessert.

Logan: *Looks confounded* Its a freakin watermelon, it can't talk

Bob: " !! ? ' '? "

Dewayne: Bob's right, your a fag

Megan: Well, now that that is over with, we can all travel to Nordak again to get Zach's mail an-

Skipper: Back off slut! He's mine!

Megan: *confused* Huh? I wasn't sayi-

Skipper: I will scratch your freaking eyes out

Megan: Don't talk to me like that I will pull your hair so hard you'll cry

Skipper: Cheese

Michael: Girl fight!

Zach: *realizing that the old lady could be in trouble* I bet two dollars on mine *whispers* and 5 dollars on Megan.

Jonathan and Tina walk up

Jonathan: Hey Zach, fag boy

Zach: Oh look, it's Jon with a girl he doesn't have to inflate

Everyone: *laughs*

Lance: Oh my, your so funny Zach, I want to be just like you

Logan: I do too!

Dewayne: Me first!

Chicken: cluck cluck!

Farmer: Bad chicken! Get back to the farm!

Coal Miner: This isn't my mountain

Zach: No sh*t

Skipper: Language

Zach: Oh yeah, sorry dear, I meant to say No sh*t this isn't your mountain.

Skipper: Language!

Zach: What? It's proper sentence stru-

Cameron: I love Rick!

Star: Who wants to have sex with me next? Perhaps that goat over there?

Channin: Bacon

James: when your moon is fake, and your room is crying, did you ever believe you were stuck in the

Noah: *screams* SKY!!!!

Sam: Now that that is over with

Everyone: *gasp* You can talk?

Cecilee: I wish I could understand why I treat Zach so wrong and mean and why I've been so mean to him the past months.

Lance: Is it because your mean?

Zach: She's not mean, she just doesn't know how to live her own life and she lets her friends control her.

Chubbs: I'm stupid! *does weird hand thing* Ooooh ahhhh

Michael: *sprays vanilla raspberry body mist on self*

Dewayne: *with a excited expression on his face clearly showing that he's thinking of his Japanese male pen pal that wants him to move to Japan so they can be together* That's hot

Zach: No! You never think you know why!

Logan: Know know know know!

Lance: Promiscuous girl, whoever you are, I'm all alone and its you that I want

Stage changes to a scene

Logan's girlfriend: Your stupid like your father

Logan: Ha ha ha, what does that even mean? Bye!

40 minutes later

Logan: *pacing his room* hehe, stupid like my father. *detonator blows* MY FATHER'S A BRILLIANT MAN! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! *comes looking for his girlfriend. He's so angry he can't even remember the layout of his house, he's like: where the f*** do I live? That is the damn pantry of the house. He finally finds her in the kitchen eating noodles and on the way to kitchen makes the mistake of not thinking of anything to say so he goes into the kitchen and gets louder and points out the obvious* Oh yeah, you just gonna eat fuckin noodles, just eat fuckin noodles all day on your ass,*mimics her eating noodles* uuuuhhh, eat the fuckin noodles all day, is that all your gonna do, eat the fuckin noodles, who bought the fuckin noodles? WHO BOUGHT THE FUCKIN NOODLES? *high pitched scream* Just tell me who bought the noodles *normal voice while yelling* and I'll leave you alone. I did! I bought the fuckin noodles, enjoy MY fuckin noodles, that I fuckin bought every box, MINE! I fuckin bought them and you know what? I fuckin love noodles and I loved them my whole LIFE! I love them, you know why I love them? Because when I was a little boy my dad used to buy me all the fuckin noodles that I wanted. He bought me all the noodles, and when I would say 'daddy I want some noodles' he fuckin bought them, you know why he bought them? Cause he's a smart fuckin guy. You don't even know! *high pitch scream* You don't even know!

Zach: What the hell?

Jonathan: So he's like a homo right?

Dewayne: Mmmmm.......oh yeah

Jonathan: The hell?

Floor: Cheater, liar, she loves you

Lance: Shut up floor, I will buy you a rug, just please stop talking

Stapler: Staple staple

Chinese Man comes and takes the stapler

Chinese Man: I will be taking this

Author: So you can talk!

Chinese Man: Shen bong ha nana

Author: Why are you even in this story?

Chinese Man: Tu bonta (translated to english= Because that's how you want it, you want me to be in the story for it to be funnier and you feel pressured to make everything funny so everyone will laugh and be pleased and your running out of ideas so your feeling pressured and you use my entrance and Chinese language to make people laugh)

Captain: *talking to the magical goat* So, your like a magical goat right?

Magical goat: Baaahhh

Skipper: I wasn't aware that goats made sheep noises

Bartney: Stop throwing paint on me!

Dewayne: *laughing like a queer* I can't help it!

Bob: " "

Dewayne: Bob's right, your mother's an ass

Zach: So yeah, I was thinking about how the world is changing all the time what with global warming and all, and I had the idea for us to do something about it

Lance: sure, we can do that, right after you go f*** yourself

Zach: I'm serious

Lance: *waits for a laugh. No one laughs* Oh, sure

Zach: So I signed us all up for chopping down tree's to build a bridge to get there across the ocean

Forest protector person: NOOOO!!!!!

Zach: Yes

Forest protector person: NOOOO!!!!!

Zach: Yes

Forest protector person: NOOOO!!!!!

Skipper: shut up you crazy forest protector person

Forest protector person: NOOOO!!!!!

Zach: Dude, what the hell is wrong with this dude?

Forest protector person: NOOOO!!!!! I'm a chick.

Lance: *aroused at learning its a chick* Hello, my names Lance, I enjoy flowers and long walks on the beach

Forest protector person: Umm, I was more thinking I would ask Zach out

Skipper: *eyes glow with a fierce hatred* -

Author: Yes, I just typed that

Skipper: Oh I don't think so bitch *snaps fingers in a very non Skipper way*

Zach: Uh oh

A tree then falls on the forest protector person

Logan: Holy sh*t! Where'd that tree come from?

Lance: Well, I just figured I would cut it down so it'd fall on her so that no one can have her if I can't have her because I'm lonely and I wish I was a clown

clown: *serious voice* Please kid, stay in school, being a clown isn't fun at all, it's not fu-

Circus midget: *shoots clown in neck with tranquilizer dart* Don't listen to him, he's a bad drug addicted clown. Drop out of school kid, and you can come work for me.

Lance: *tries to act like it's a good idea* Yeah, I'll think about that while I take a hot relaxing bath tonight

Diet coke: " "

Dane CooK: This is what she's gonna do, she's gonna pivet her body, walk 3 to 5 steps, turn around and cock her head and say it

Lance and Logan: It's Dane cook!

Cameron: So like, I scored a %99 on my graphic arts final

Zach: Damn show off


Bob: ~

Michael: What the hell did he just say?

Lance: *laughing hysterically* He's so funny!

Later that day at Wal-mart

Zach: Dude, I think this guitar hero 2 is too easy

Dewayne: Where's Lance?

Lance walks up with his shirt bulging in every direction

Megan: Are you trying to steal that stuff Lance?

Bartney: Stealing is wrong

Lance: I'm all institutionalized now guys, I'm from the streets, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-unit!

Zach: Really, well, get in the car I got something to show you, g-g-g-g-g-g-g-get your ass in the car

Dewayne: *weird hoarse deep voice* The final battle approaches. You must decide which of you everyone looks up to and follows.

Zach: What the hell?

Dewayne: *normal voice* What? *strange voice again* You have til dusk to decide or you wont stand a chance against them

Logan: Who is them?

Dewayne: I am the oracle. I have come to guide you.

Logan: That's real f***ing great, but who is them?

Oracle: Just listen you ass. Many moons ago, a race of people called the Lightenies ruled the galaxy with their rings of amazing power. With these rings they could shoot beams of power at their enemies and destroy them. Only one ring is left. I shall give the ring to the one you all deem most worthy.

Zach: *starts to wish he wasn't such an ass to everyone* ......

Lance: *starts to wish he wasn't such an ass to everyone too* ......

Logan: *starts to wish he wasn't such an ass to everyone too* ......

Dewayne: *starts to wish he had some more candle wax to pour on his man tities* .....damn

Megan: So basically, all we have to do is decide on who our leader is out of all of us?


Megan: Well?


Zach: I think she's talking to you Oracle

Oracle: Oh sorry, I have selective hearing.

Logan: Lmao

Lance: Did you just say lmao? You fag

Bartney: People people calm down! We all know who is the most worthy among us all. It's so clear. Me!

Oracle: Sorry young girl, but whore's cannot wear the ring

Michael: Burn!

Old wise man: Who ate the last doughnut?

Bob: " "

Old wise man: son of a bitch

Dewayne: Dude, you ate the first eleven!

Zach: Guys, we need to focus right now, so come on, we need to choose and fast

Lance: Zach's right

Everyone: Yeah

Oracle: *eyes widen*

Dewayne: So, who is the most worthy?

Logan: I am

Lance: Well so am I

Logan: Oh go blow a goat

Lance: Shut up

Everyone starts arguing

Zach: Guys! Stop arguing! This is serious

Everyone stops arguing

Oracle: It is clear who the leader is

Lance: Yeah, it is, Zach is the leader

Logan: Yeah, it has to be him

Michael: Definitely

Oracle: Zach? What the fuck? I was talking about the Diet Coke!

Diet Coke: " !!!!!!"

Lance: You are so funny!

Zach: Oh....yeah........that's cool

Oracle: But seeing as how the Diet Coke has no fingers, it can't hold this ring. So, I declare Zach your leader.

Everyone: Yay! *starts singing happy songs*

Zach: Why am I always the leader? and I thought I was dead?

Later that day at the zoo

Zach: Where are the damn llamas at?

Skipper: Just read the sign and we can find out

Zach: I dont need to read a sign, I know where I'm going

Skipper: Sure

Author: What the hell? This isn't memory lane time.

Zach: Your just jealous because you don't have any friends

Author: I have friends! *girly scream* Shut up! Just shut up! Your just angry because you don't have my hair

Zach: Dude, I am you, just as a character in this story

Author: Then your saying you have no friends!

Zach: No. In this story I do and that's the only time that I exist, but you are real and have no friends

Lance: That's true, I don't like you

Logan: When we're in class and you go back to your seat after talking to me, I think to myself, 'I hate that bastard'

Author: Mhmm...I see

Lance and Logan become homosexual lovers and pee on each other while laughing and dancing

Lance: What the hell?

Dewayne: *jealous of Logan* Logan's a queer! *nervous laugh* ha....ha.........heh

Author: That's what happens dudes

Logan: We're just joking man! Calm down!

Author: Hmmmm........

Lance and Logan are changed back to normal

Skipper: Now that we've lost the story again, can we get back to it?

Author: Sure, and by the way, your very beautiful.

Skipper: I know

Author: And I miss you more than you miss me

Skipper: No you don't. I miss you more!

Author: No you don't, I miss you more!

Skipper: No you do-

Author changes Skipper into a mute

Author: Awe, I'm glad you agree that I miss you more than you miss me!

River troll: blah blah blah, yack yack yack

Big foot: Gwar!

Magical Ninja from the land of crouching snow beotch: I throw ninja stars at you!

Lance: NO! Nooo! No! Bad ninja, No!

Ninja: No throw stars?

Lance: No

Oracle: So then, Zach gets the ring

Zach: Hell yeah

Lance: No! I should get the ring!

Michael: Dude, stop being an antagonsit ass

Lance: *evil laugh while petting a sheep*

Zach: Where'd the sheep come from?

Logan: What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more

Matt: I'm about to f***in kiss you if you don't stop talking

Dewayne: *runs through a sprinkler in a cute silly way and gets all wet. Then goes to his teachers house and rings doorbell*

Teacher: *opens door* Hel-what the hell?

Dewayne: *sexy voice* I'm all wet, can I come in?

Teacher: Bowchicabowow

Dewayne: *thinking about kittens* So like, they like went to the movies and like saw that one like movie about like that one guy that like flies around and like saves people from like danger and like other stuff.

Oracle: What the hell is wrong with all of you people?

Logan: It's mainly just the author

Author: I will never forgive you for this. G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-get your ass in the car

Oracle: Continuing, here is the ring Zach, use it well *hands Zach the ring*

Zach: Wow, this is so cool

Lance: *pissy voice* I hate you

Chuck Norris: Oh please god don't let them take me away again! Please, I'll do anything! I will!

Zach: Dude, we can't help you, sorry

Chuck Norris: NOOOOOO!!!!! *Mob of manicured hands comes out of the door and drags him away*

Guy from Rural King: That'll be $13.50

Dewayne: For candles?

Guy from Rural King: No, but I'm really freaked out by what your going to do with them, so I'm charging you extra for making me feel uncomfortable

Dewayne: *girly voice* Couldn't you just let me pass just this once big boy?

Guy from Rural King: Umm....please leave dude

Dewayne: But I love you

Guy from Rural King: *gets out a baseball bat* Yeah, about that........

Oracle: Anyways, use the ring for the right decisions Zach, I leave you now *exits in an awesome orb of light*

Lance: Hey look, an awesome orb of light!

Huge explosion in China

Chinese Man: hong chong tong poonanny!

Zach: We have to get to China!

Everyone teleports to China. There, an army of super powerful ninjas are attacking China and killing people left and right.

Zach: Who's in charge here?

Tyler: I am

Zach: Hmmm.......make all of this stop right now Andy

Tyler: My name is Tyler. Dude, we have homeroom together!

Zach: That's not important right now, just make all this stop

Tyler: Only if you defeat me in battle

Zach: Then so be it

Tyler: Bring it on

Zach: Lance, Logan, keep everyone safe and try to stop those ninjas.

Lance: Right

Zach runs at Tyler and every ninja charges at him trying to stop him. Zach jumps over all the ninjas using the power of his new ring.

Zach: Gee, thats handy

Logan and Lance start fighting ten ninjas at one time each.

Zach: This isn't good. I'll just take care of all these ninjas first. *does weird purple hair transformation thing and starts destroying every ninja with a single punch. Their bodies just turn to freakin dust its so cool*

Tyler: You are powerful, but you wont beat me. *charges at Zach as he finishes the last ninja*

Zach: *taken by surprise*

Tyler: You won't win!

Zach and Tyler fight for like 2 hours. Both are very tired. Zach falls to his knee's.

Tyler: *laughs* I told you, you wouldn't beat me

Zach: I have to *stands up*

Tyler: *afraid* What are you?

Zach: I am the hope in the darkness, the protector of the defenseless, the good that fights the evil. I am Zach *screams* and I will defeat you!

Zach knocks Tyler out with a single punch

Tyler: *knocked the fuck out*

Everyone: yay!

Moonbeam: baahh

Dewayne: Moonbeam!

Megan: Who the hell is Moonbeam?

Dewayne: He's my goat!

Cori: I milk my ass

Bartney: Right

A few days later

Zach: Well dudes, this is a great journey and all, but let's call it a job well done for right now.

Skipper: Not until you get over to my house and give me kisses!

Zach: You can come to my house damn it.

Megan: I thought she was turned into a mute

Bartney: Your so silly Megan!

Steve the pirate: Gaaarrrr!

Lance: No! Bad pirate. Noo.

Steve the pirate: Garr?

Lance: No

*Steve the pirate kills Lance*

Steve the pirate: GAAAAARRRRR!!!!

Bob: " ? ' ' !! _ @ . ?"

Dewayne: Bob's right, that is bullshit

Zach: Right, well, cheese

Skipper: rules the world!

Zach: So proud of you!

Skipper: Yay!

Zach: Yay!

Bartney: Zach, what about your mail?

Zach: ...........Damn

End of story

Submitted on 2007-03-15 10:33:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Deer Dance
*with a sinister expression* Yeess finish the rest. Muaa haa haa ha.
| Posted on 2007-03-19 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]

lol, jk ;)

i lovers you

| Posted on 2007-03-15 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]

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