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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: No Rosedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Skinwalker
    Elite Ratio:    2.62 - 36/57/28
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1024
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1067



    Description:
       a depressing poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo Rosedots
    -------------------------------------------


    the darkness seeps around me
    holding me true loving and dear,
    the nameless one is all i see,
    sensing the gun against my ear.

    sound, quick and loud,
    i died, i died, i died
    painless and proud,
    and they all cried.

    yet through my pain i never tried,
    to hurt a soul unless forced,
    and through my pain i never cried,
    the body and soul devorced.

    they hurt me and my friends,
    i stopped them so my friends...

    my friends had to escape
    twas the only way.
    the bullet was mine to take
    i truly did pay.

    o Christ did i do alright?
    mighty creator i want to go
    o God full of true might,
    you did truly love me so.

    thusly a vessel of hope was dispatched
    no human love, no one did to him attatch.

    please do not cry for him...
    for no one will.
    no one leaves a rose
    no roses on the coffin rim.
    no hole to fill
    for noone will know.




    Submitted on 2004-06-09 22:23:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a decent poem. You may want to check your spelling on Stanza 3 line 4 "devorce" is spelled "divorce". Other than that I could find nothing wrong with this poem. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by Semper Fidelis | [ Reply to This ]
      Spelling. Besides that this is great. I like the topic and the way your portrayed it...excellent. Nice choice of words, in most cases. Not a big fan of the repetition in this poem though. And you used the word cried to finish a line 2 or 3 times...ones too many. Good write though..

    Bruno
    | Posted on 2004-06-09 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]


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