!oh...words fail me in expression of my feelings for this poem...I love the ending, giving away the only posseions you have...very nice. Descibing so nicely the feelings that accompany *the voind*...speachless...hmmm...i want to read all your work if it is all as...deep...hearfelt...dark...? as this...cant find rite words...
hmmmm I dont know. The structure is unfamiliar to me, this kind of goes on and on. I find that people often get disinterested before they finish reading long poems. Anyways, this was a good write mostly because of the vocabulary used. No rhyming either, or very inconsisted which in my opinion is good. Good write
The first half of your random thoughts composition didn't convince as much to care if you were falling into "an abyss of life (perhaps an abyss of ... darkness or something more related to death can be stated instead of life)." I think you should use more of the senses, like what you smell, what you hear, what you feel. I also thought your imagery was fairly plain. I know you have to keep it simple to remain consistent with your structure, but a little more detail would probably allow the reader to feel the confusion or agony the narrator is feeling. However, as your composition progressed, I seemed more touched when you wrote of family and how you weren't forgetting them and such. That was a good touch to your piece. Creative write. Keep it up
I always try to look at random thoughts because they are my favorite and i like this one, i love poems with no rhyme, i cant pull it off you like though,..."I hide from the darkness of the light"...that line made me want to keep reading and it made me curious, way to go
One who could admit the darkness within them, compells me. Almost like your non-existance. Better yet there yells of need and destruction. Simple method of writing, could use more imagery, Although is well thought out. I enjoyed very much good write over all.