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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Spanglishdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1345
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 835



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSpanglishdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My wife has green eyes
    Or maybe brown,
    Perhaps they’ve just rusted into
    A mixture of moss and Anjou pears
    And my abuela’s salsa verde
    Colors I can not find joined in nature

    She sings to our children in broken Spanish
    American references I do not recognize
    If I listen long enough, though
    I can fall into her lilting rhythms
    Her vibrato, the hum that
    Shakes my coffee in the afternoon
    Our bed at night and
    Our daughter’s rocker in
    The hazy hours of the morning

    Dawn bleaches our sheets as
    Her hands scorch my face,
    Burn their imprint into my skin
    She carves a sonata into my flesh
    With each new movement

    Cicadas crawl up our walls
    And she sings to them, too




    Submitted on 2007-03-16 13:45:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      If I listen long enough, though
    I can fall into her lilting rhythms
    Her vibrato, the hum that
    Shakes my coffee in the afternoon
    Our bed at night and
    Our daughter’s rocker in
    The hazy hours of the morning

    Dawn bleaches our sheets as
    Her hands scorch my face,
    Burn their imprint into my skin
    She carves a sonata into my flesh
    With each new movement

    WOW--what have I been missing out on? You caught me with your words, so lyrical and great prose. I must say, I was a little caught off guard with the pears. I may be a fruit, but I not that much of one--anyway, I had the whole scene in my head, from the children in the nursery to the bedroom.

    I think Jase needs to know, you have multiple personalities, all deserving their own poetic expression.

    Much loves, Your Seoulful Hubby,

    Lee Minsu
    | Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by Lee Minsu | [ Reply to This ]
      "And she sings to them, too"

    I like that there's no period on the end of that line....no finality.

    You know its strange being around Elite for as long as i have....coming and going.....returning to see how people's writing has changed.

    I've always admired your writing. At first i liked it because it was brazen, ballsy...if you will. I got the impression that you truly were an independent spirit (so few people are these days). I also got the impression that you were intelligent, well read, and original....but that you were still searching for your voice as a writer.

    And your search for voice necessarily involved a search for subject matter. I think that you've leaped over that hurdle now....to realize that you are a writer of ample talent....who can write about whatever she damn well pleases. And that has freed you up some.

    I have long avoided officially stalking you. I don't know why. I suppose i didn't think it would do either of us the least bit of good (in the more 'public' domain)....especially with my burgeoning reputation at the time as being Elite's token tenaciously-flirty super-tramp....but mostly to avoid any obvious (however mistaken) comparisons.

    I have waited to tell you this, and probably because i was still trying to figure something out about you. I guess i had some unanswered questions about your ambitions as a writer. The truth is that in all my time here i have seen perhaps 5 or 6 writers on this site who are worthy of actually being published....and you are one of them. So i'll say it....

    You should publish.

    And not online either. Online publishing is for poems that aren't worthy of appearing in print.

    You should be in print.

    kc
    | Posted on 2007-03-24 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      Taking on a persona Kris? This seems to come from a white American guy with a Hispanic wife; correct me if I'm wrong. Or maybe this guy isn't American at all, and his wife comes from Mexico or something. I watched a movie recently called "Spanglish" actually... a soppy as hell romantic comedy, but eh... you know lol.

    Needless to say, this was beautifully inspired, and a delight to read.

    Anjou pears... are these from France? I seem to recall Anjou is/was a province of France... and what does "abuela" mean? Something like "my love"? I know "verde" means "green", right? Eh, I suck at Spanish lol.

    "She carves a sonata into my flesh": a truly endearing line. This one caught me for six (a cricket term... don't worry lol).

    A few tiny, tiny nitpicks: "cannot" is one word (unless you really wanted to stress this, but it doesn't seem like it), and perhaps ditch your commas before "though" and "too"? I know this is correct grammatically-speaking, but it just stuffs the flow for me. Your call.

    By the way, this is very Neruda-like in tone and language, and I don't know if you know this, but I've always been a sucker for his stuff.

    Peace,

    Jase

    P.S. A fave... I couldn't resist taking this one with me.
    | Posted on 2007-03-16 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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