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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Diligence [in color] and Liesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    20/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.65 - 31/23/18
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 114
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 844



    Description:
       A piece I want to nurture to someday cherish. It's awkward and seemingly patched together.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDiligence [in color] and Liesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Time for some sort of shift in the atmosphere of me

    wasting big words on an unimpressionable mind

    rich in vacancy and detailed to a fault

    I love you, I love you just not enough.



    Transpiration through what seems to be an ending

    tied to a chair or involuntarily moving?



    If I look away nothing could possibly exist behind me

    (seldom have I remembered the balance of continuum)

    but if I close my eyes there isnt anything my mind can receive

    except the memories that are bound to adjust

    between what was and what it to be desired.



    Precious, laid back I dream like a broken faucet

    synapses remixed, inspiration enabled.




    Submitted on 2007-03-16 14:44:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "between what was and what it is to be desired."

    (Bold = word you need for making sense to)

    You seem to have an obsession with technological and medical symbolism, imagery, and metaphor. This is a stark contrast to the personality I know you to possess.

    What do you suppose is the reason for your obsession?

    (Sutures will always be evident - at least to the one wearing them - but that doesn't detract from quality.)

    What about :

    "I love you, I love you...

    just not enough."

    Another thing I feel I should mention : the two rhymes in this piece, are both segments important enough to you that they should rhyme when no other sections do? (ending / moving, seldom / continuum).
    | Posted on 2007-03-31 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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    January 10 07
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