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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Girl ex Machinadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 722
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1372



    Description:
       An old, outdated favorite. Needs work.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGirl ex Machinadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Becoming your sentiment is my delusion
    but I fear I'd never let your touch go
    I look for that switch to pull you from me
    like the mechanical lifeline between mother and child
    please let go faster but don't forget sooner
    you fed me affection just to get a taste of my perception
    you hate what you don't understand
    and I love what I hold too tightly.

    Though you are blind to my fragile tendencies
    and my necessity to evade from all things
    you see me as only a broken promise away
    from a world of united perfection
    will you not vanish within our faulty network
    because I was never programmed to decipher you.

    I don't mind coexisting with melancholy
    while watching the rain fall from the inside
    because nothing's better than a blurry view
    to make the electricity slow its pace
    escaping our reality is only a disconnect away
    and so I wait for you to sever the wires
    of my heart you knew so well
    no longer can I feel the static fading from me
    in a case unworthy of repair
    with my file reading 'self destruction'
    please delete me from your system.

    (And all the viruses that I transferred to you
    remain a tragedy inside your memory cells.)




    Submitted on 2007-03-16 18:44:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      WOW.

    WHY, exactly, hasn't anybody responded to this yet?? Because the world is full of crashing bores.

    I like it a lot... I'd only say to add some punctuation or break up the lines more in order to group thoughts so that it isn't so confusing--there are some ambiguous lines in there that I wasn't sure when with the line above it or the line below it (perhaps the point, but I'm challenged).

    You really made a statement with all the tech terminology. Perhaps the goal was to point out that we are just mechanisms waiting to be broken, just like a computer screen. Or maybe that was just a peripheral theme. Either way, the imagery is strong and interesting. Completely packed with great ideas and phrases.

    And what an excellent place to leave off. It reminds me of something that The Blow/Khaela Maricich might sing. Pretty. Clever.

    Nicely done.
    Rachel
    | Posted on 2007-04-30 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


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