Noticing
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Description:
Noticing
We make faces out of people we want eachother to be we mold shapes out of people who wind up just a part of us that's why we push away that's why we make our ways away, from the statues boldly sculpted from rain you're so cute when you're passed out so cute in that disgusting way you lay in a pile of snow, in the neighbors living room there wasn't room for me and the heat had been getting on hard seeping through the doorways so I had a friend drive me home He said, "maybe people aren't the angels we've been painting on the ceiling, but the horns on the devil's we've been killing- did I say killing?" he grumbled drunkly, "I meant we're growing". I realized I was listening to no one and all the shapes that I've been made of were going nowhere but the lot was a close park atleast conveniantley good enough to abruptly end my stay I kissed your lips in my mind they still tasted like sugar melted off our plants of a not so nice sort that's why I that's why we've made our ways away the rain turned to snow which hardened to ice and beat my windows in in the morning it seemed they had cried for hours I didn't feel bad they didn't complain |
Submitted on 2007-03-16 21:47:15 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Huh, i think i got what this is about, if so its a good idea, and you put it down well. Is it by anychance just realizing that people who party themselves out in high school are most likely just going to end up being statues, not really doing anything but they are they for people to stare at?... an maybe rain represents change, and going forward, or even growth, while snow freezes things as they are and not allowing people to grow up. You said she was passed out on a pile of snow in the living room, like you realized the person you liked just isnt for you, and maybe that just isnt your scene... I doubt if any of that makes any sense, but every so often i'll hit the nail.. Thanks for the read, I like the concept. If i was wrong tell me. Thanks Guermo | Posted on 2007-03-18 00:00:00 | by Guermo | [ Reply to This ] | Hmmm..well, to be honest, I really didn't understand it all that much. | Was this a stream of consciencousness? (sp?) It feels like you are trying to get feelings out, and you don't quite understand an event that happened between you and someone else. The piece seems to portray some arguement, or difficulty between maybe, a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend? In truth, however, I did like a few lines. Such as this one: you're so cute when you're passed out so cute in that disgusting way you lay in a pile of snow, in the neighbors living room there wasn't room for me This one is a chunk that I can understand and picture, and for clarity, it does a nice job. It brings forth pictures, which are always big in poetry and any kind of writing. All things considered, the effort was good. I like that one part I pointed out...just clarification and a bit more "story-telling" is needed. Thanks for the submission! ---Restless | Posted on 2007-03-17 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ] | |
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