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Author: Ygi
ASL Info:    17/m
Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 290 /149 /165
Words: 230
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1123
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1538



We make faces out of people
we want eachother to be
we mold shapes out of people
who wind up just a part of us
that's why we push away
that's why we
make our ways away, from the statues
boldly sculpted from rain

you're so cute when you're passed out
so cute in that
disgusting way you lay
in a pile of snow, in the neighbors living room
there wasn't room for me
and the heat had been getting on hard
seeping through the doorways
so I had a friend drive me home

He said, "maybe people aren't the angels we've been painting on the ceiling, but the horns on the devil's we've been killing-
did I say killing?"
he grumbled drunkly,
"I meant we're growing".

I realized I was listening to no one and
all the shapes that I've been made of
were going nowhere
but the lot was a close park
atleast conveniantley good enough
to abruptly end my stay
I kissed your lips in my mind
they still tasted like sugar melted
off our plants of a not so nice sort

that's why I
that's why we've
made our ways away
the rain turned to snow
which hardened to ice and
beat my windows in
in the morning it seemed they had cried for hours
I didn't feel bad
they didn't complain

Submitted on 2007-03-16 21:47:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Huh, i think i got what this is about, if so its a good idea, and you put it down well. Is it by anychance just realizing that people who party themselves out in high school are most likely just going to end up being statues, not really doing anything but they are they for people to stare at?... an maybe rain represents change, and going forward, or even growth, while snow freezes things as they are and not allowing people to grow up. You said she was passed out on a pile of snow in the living room, like you realized the person you liked just isnt for you, and maybe that just isnt your scene... I doubt if any of that makes any sense, but every so often i'll hit the nail..

Thanks for the read, I like the concept. If i was wrong tell me. Thanks

| Posted on 2007-03-18 00:00:00 | by Guermo | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm..well, to be honest, I really didn't understand it all that much.

Was this a stream of consciencousness? (sp?) It feels like you are trying to get feelings out, and you don't quite understand an event that happened between you and someone else. The piece seems to portray some arguement, or difficulty between maybe, a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend?

In truth, however, I did like a few lines. Such as this one:

you're so cute when you're passed out
so cute in that
disgusting way
you lay in a pile of snow, in the neighbors living room
there wasn't room for me

This one is a chunk that I can understand and picture, and for clarity, it does a nice job. It brings forth pictures, which are always big in poetry and any kind of writing.

All things considered, the effort was good. I like that one part I pointed out...just clarification and a bit more "story-telling" is needed.

Thanks for the submission!

| Posted on 2007-03-17 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]

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