Between our Thoughts by Jazzy

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Submission Name: Between our Thoughts dots

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Author:	Jazzy
ASL Info:	16/f/USA
Elite Ratio:	4.58 - 88/154/165
Words:	92

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	100
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	683

Description:
I dunno. I just felt like writing something.

So....TADAAAA

Between our Thoughts dots

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My arcane letters won't be coming
In the mail any more.
You crave to mutilate them,
To read something possibly alluded to
Within the fragile text.
With your deluded hopes for me;
Endlessly wading through my thoughts
On paper, in ink.

Crisp, white papers.
Meant only to inform you
Used against me.

Algid thoughts and woeful expressions,
You're trying too hard,
You're thinking too long,
You're feeling too much.
Breathing through your head,
Lacking trust for me,
As though your unfortunate qualms
Could be pinned on me.

Submitted on 2007-03-17 16:59:13 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this is very thought provoking but confusing, although i definitely like the first stanza as it's a very intriguing start.
| Posted on 2007-03-18 00:00:00 | by freeangel | [ Reply to This ]
  personally i would scrap the second and third bits and work with the first.
the first seems to have direction and point and the rest are just confusing and whatever.

i like the ideas of the first stanza.

My arcane letters won't be coming
In the mail any more.
You crave to mutilate them,
To read something possibly alluded to
Within the fragile text.
With your deluded hopes for me;
Endlessly wading through my thoughts
On paper, in ink.

you could write them better or more effectively but this is the foundation of a good piece potentially.

the idea that you are writing these letters... in love i assume but it could be for any reason i suppose. the idea that these letters which are meant for good are not being recieved in the manner in which they were sent. the idea that the recipient intentionally looks behind words and between lines to find meanings that arent there... to find what they want to hear leaving you completely vulnerable and open to attack when these deluded hopes take form and are verbalised or letters are answered.

the misunderstood thing is well over written but i think if you were to take a breath and think about what you want to achieve by writing this then you could some up with quite the unique piece.

as ive already said once tonight in a comment the importance of writing and the way to better yourself in writing is to make words YOURS.
forget and ignore every line youve ever heard about misunderstanding and love and create your own. its easy to take lines that have been written a million times over and use them in some form but real skill and talent is found in those who put themselves on the lines. take their very selves and paste it on the page. these are the words that the readers connect with and are challenged by. if you read something that you have read a million times before you tend to get complacent and switch off right? well thats the last thing you want people doing with your poetry right? you want your writing to affect people and make them think or experience life for a stanza or three.

my challenge to you is to step out of the box and explore and experiement with different ideas and ways of saying things. find your poetic voice. chop things up and have some fun. be sure to read other poets both on this site and published. thats where you get inspiration from and ideas and courage to try something new... to dare to be different.

so hang in there and keep trying but bring more of yourself into your words.
| Posted on 2007-03-18 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I can't really say I "get" this. It seems to be about somone wanting to recieve a letter or notice from you apologizing for something you don't feel you should, or some situation where they want a letter from you, so that they can blame a problem they have on you. But you won't, because you know what you say will just be used against you... but I just don't quite understand why you're telling us, or what's going on... it feels very emotionless is I guess what I'm saying.
| Posted on 2007-03-18 00:00:00 | by Ygi | [ Reply to This ]

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