Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: silly/identity (minor updating)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ygi
    ASL Info:    17/m
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 290/149/165
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 655
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 841



    Description:
       I'm sorry if those is a little hard to follow, but try to understand that sometimes the purpose is that things aren't so easy to understand, and I'm doing what I can to make it clear what's going on inside my head.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssilly/identity (minor updating)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    the wind blew straight through your hair
    each piece seperate stranded apart
    the sun shone through and it made
    an angel out of you

    I tried to get closer but
    she blinded my eyes
    when I came to
    you were not what I found
    the dark room let us hide our shame
    from a nameless robot scene of which
    we'd remind eachother soon
    which we remind ourselves too
    much
    we get lost and out of touch with
    who we want to be
    or who we really are I mean
    who we used to be, before we were trying to be
    I mean who we really are or,
    who I want to be
    or maybe just out for an-

    i'll be your moon, if you'll be my
    sun-
    i'll be your moon, if you'll be my sun





    Submitted on 2007-03-18 05:25:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The broken narrative style here works well for your theme. It brings the reader into the confusion of your own thoughts and experiences. For someone who wants an easy line of thought to follow, the lack of punctuation would be an issue, but I think the lack of punctuation is what drives the piece.
    | Posted on 2007-03-18 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    138138

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Linger written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Bond written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry