Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wavessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ygi
    ASL Info:    17/m
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 290/149/165
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 897



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWavessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lips parting like the devil's legs
    she melted and by the time we got there was a mess
    wanting to help but
    at the time I couldn't of cared less
    snails making like the shells they've been
    looking for
    all that I've been finding now are just the
    things I won't remember

    I can't be tricked by the cleaning stains
    or the fires in the skies
    making explosions of light where at first
    I saw none
    and this snow does an impressive job of
    making me want you
    and as it lays you down
    the world spins a little slower
    waves wash from the ocean to our
    midwest little town
    swimming with all the
    corpses we've been rambling on on
    and all about
    they look so lonley now
    and so
    insignificant






    Submitted on 2007-03-18 16:25:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this peice is kinda spaced out... Maybe try to connect a few more things in the first stanza? It jumps around a little too much for my taste. Keep at it though.

    Guermo
    | Posted on 2007-03-18 00:00:00 | by Guermo | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    138168

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Live In Between written by teika5
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry