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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Fullofit

Author:	Ygi
ASL Info:	17/m
Elite Ratio:	5.55 - 290 /149 /165
Words:	209

Class/Type:	Misc /Misc
Total Views:	1204
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1374

Description:

was really tired/out of it, give suggestions so I can pinpoint what mistakes I made ect.

Fullofit

just wanting to forget what I
can't remember to let go of
hey now ,
we're just trying to forget
what we can't remember to let go of
dripping flakes off our our planets
that aren't as infinite as we thought

reaching out for nothing
eyes like the ocean with-
all the weed
we make time out of rotations
a good day indeed
a good way to scream your name without
making a scene and
seeing a place you're not ready to like
blues talkin' yourself
through the alleys of the neighberhood

maybe this ain't what we've been lickin' to
but the flavor fits the face
and the center ain't no owls treat
but a battle faught way too soon
and a joke taken way too seriously
a point taken way at all

just wanting to forget what you
can't remember to let go of
hey now,
just trying to forget what you
can't remember to let go of
Just trying to remember to let go of
what you can't remember to let go of
just trying to remember what you missed
to remember who you've been that's
what we forgot to remember
left in bottles we left empty
left in people we left

Comments

love how you change from blaming yourself in the first stanza to blaming you as one in a group of people. 'hey now' really brings signifigance to the aspect.

reaching out for nothing
eyes like the ocean with-
all the weed
we make time out of rotations
a good day indeed
a good way to scream your name without
making a scene and
seeing a place you're not ready to like
blues talkin' yourself
through the alleys of the (neighborhood)

-love the repitition of 'a good,' as if you are sarcastic, dissapointed on how it had to happen that this all came to be.

maybe this ain't what we've been lickin' to
but the flavor fits the face
and the center ain't no owls treat
but a battle (fought) way too soon
and a joke taken way too seriously
(no) point taken way at all

-at first I thought it was strange wording but now I like how you can identify the feeling and personify it with so many other things.

just wanting to forget what you
can't remember to let go of
hey now,
just trying to forget what you
can't remember to let go of
Just trying to remember to let go of
what you can't remember to let go of
just trying to remember what you missed
to remember who you've been that's
what we forgot to remember
left in bottles we left empty
left in people we left

-really like this last part, jumbles everything up until you forget where you begin, which is a lot like where we are going. I thought it was strange that throughout the entire piece you switched from I to we and then to you as if you were trying to rid yourself of the entanglement. Intresting choice. Like the ending how you repeat left which makes it sound even more incomplete. Reminds me of a Gwendolyn Brooks poem, 'My dreams, my works, must wait till after hell.' where she says 'I am still hungry, I am incomplete.' and tells how she must leave everything including her nicely labeled jars in cupboards filled with bread and honey and how she had to remember to go back. You should check it out.

Its a sincere feeling when you have to try to remember yet forget what has happened as you watch everything happening around you.

a few mistakes but otherwise, great job.:)

~flora

| Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]

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