Bathe My Roots in Soil -------------------------------------------
Bathe my roots in soil.
Plant my feet in this ground.
I want to be shackled by your side
for easy access to your mouth
and close proximity to your arms.
If you journey, take me with you
like a potted plant
and bury my base again
when you reach your destination.
hm, well written...but thats a dangerous request. Once you've been planted you can't go anywhere...even with things start to get undesirable...potted plants are also easily left behind...you don't wanna get left behind. but its a nice image to use, original. good job
I like this. The controlling plant metaphor is very powerful and it creates vivid imagery. The length is very good, not too long and not too short. The only thing that didn't work for me was the word "shackled" in the third line. The word has such a negative connotation to it, and it doesn't seem to fit with the mood the rest of the poem creates. All in all, good write; I enjoyed reading it.
This reminded me of the current book I'm reading by Dean Koontz (By the Light of the Moon)...the lead female character in the book carries this potted plant around with her everywhere she goes...she named him Fred and talks to him and fancies that he responds to her...she "feels" his thoughts...*L*
Anyway...all that aside, I liked the imagery in this
How could one refuse such a poetic request. Beats the heck out of "Pleeeeeease takemewithyou" Nice, do you know if there is such a term as reverse personification? It's a lovely metaphor, the earth being the source of plant nutrition, the speaker isn't just asking for a trip, but commitment to care for them. Good. Dave
cute picture! i noticed the boots on the wrong feet right away--my kids are always doing that! lol! anyway, honestly, i think this is not among your best. i liked the idea of wanting to be close by someone and asking them to pot you so that you can be by their side and then re-plant you when they reach a new destination, but something didn't sit quite right. the "shackled" part seemed out of place, as plants aren't shackled. i don't know. perhaps i need to re-read a few times. perhaps i need to wake up, as i had a hard time getting out of bed this morning! g'day to ya!
don't listen to Learah, she's silly =^..^= kidding, I think the beauty of your poetry is the shortness. Hm this one is mucho betero... great, love the 'grounding' idea, I can totally relate. Heh they call me a free spirit... every free spirit beeds someone on the ground to keep them anchored. Though, I would have chosen an anchor/ship analogy... though I suppose that's overdone, i like your potted plant reference, very foresty and summery. ~Cora
This is a bit of a contradiction in terms, firmly rooted to be with this higher form of life obviously able to move around, then uprooted and potted to be dragged along almost involuntarily, like "leave me if you want", then to be planted again. I don't know if your plant will survive this brand of love, but it will definitely not bloom next summer. Because of this strange dance of opposites it works though. Well done.