i like the idea behind the poem, but I think you can find more ways to express the idea. you don't have to ask the same type of questions. i know it creates a sense of parallelism, but maybe you can put more of your feelings into it and let the audience into your mind/heart so we know more of what's going on. but good first (?) poem :)
Wow! For your first poem, it was a good job! Except for that one you wrote about me!
"You smell like rotten cheese!" But, yeah, that's kinda sad, ya know, this whole poem deal! It sounds like your depressed. Are you depressed?
-AnGeL
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