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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beautiful Induced Coma dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WonderfulComa
    ASL Info:    18MAl
    Elite Ratio:    5.66 - 75/59/29
    Words: 331
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 968
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1802



    Description:
       This is really about an overdose, and the coma that followed, and the reason why.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeautiful Induced Coma dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can see,but my eyes are closed.
    I can hear but can't respond.
    My mind still thinks, but I can not move.
    In this simi-dark room where light is the dimest.
    This room where they come in and make their incisions on my skin.
    "You, The beautiful one in the corner."
    "Let your tears fall to the inflictions in hopes of healing my wounds."
    I want to say this but my words seem to be at a loss.
    "Beautiful, stand beside my bed, and with your fingers caress my head."
    Deep in the night I hear you ask the doctor, "Will he ever wake up."
    the doctor replies "More than likely not."
    I only wish to say "My dear, I am right here."
    This night after the doctor leaves, I hear you still in the corner weeping and greving.
    I'm confined to this bed so therefore I can not hold and console.
    She moves her face closer to mine, till I can feel her breath on my neck.
    She wispers " Why did you have to be so stupid, you knew that was too many, you knew that was too much, just look at you now, look what you have done to yourself."
    "I love you very much, but you know as well as I, that your own selfish fatuity is whay you lay here now."
    It wasn't my selfish or my stupidity, it was her constent antagonizing that drove me to the edge; her neverending complaining that cause me to plan my escape, my own beautiful induced coma. That has removed me from this world.
    Now in my coma state I can not tell you how I feel, much as I had done even when I had the ability to speak, because eventhough you ask, I know that it will hurt you, so now I will reside to my beautiful peace.




    Submitted on 2007-03-19 19:46:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is an extremely insightful and elgantly mournful peice...
    i cant seem to figure out, however, if it is stream of conciousness free write, or prose...

    either way, the words on the page draw the reader in, make the reader see from the speakers eyes, and that is a wonderful talent, one that not everyone has.

    " can see,but my eyes are closed.
    I can hear but can't respond.
    My mind still thinks, but I can not move.
    In this simi-dark room where light is the dimest. "
    i think that perhaps that very first bit right there was the part that spoke to me the most, but the point where he is thinking that she is the reason he overdosed, and the fact that he did it to keep from telling her what he thinks is the most poignant and beautiful part.

    there are a few grammatical and capitalization errors, that are easily fixed. i am sure you could have Jaz or Martin read through it and help you edit it.

    once again. spectacular.

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-04-05 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      hey , wow I realy like this one!!!! i like when you say " let your tears fall down in the inflictions in hopes of healing my wounds" yeah I think you are a great writer! yeah I like this lots also!!!!!!!! good write good write!!!!!

    *kate
    | Posted on 2007-03-22 00:00:00 | by koolness | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how she is nicer to him when he is in a coma, I think it really adds to the theme. Throughout the poem is peaceful, it is soothing to read. I love it. I really love it Bradley, I think you have stepped above yourself with this.
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Well i think as of right now i feel the inspiration that you are talkin about.
    Well thanks man.
    Everything that you said is true.
    Well im out of words.
    Peace.
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by WonderfulComa | [ Reply to This ]
      All I can say is nice portrayal of drug use. People say you are stupid because you do them, but have they ever lived in our lives? Probably not. Some people just can't cope and don't want to cope with life, and I think it should be up to them to choose;either you do something that'll make you happy, or you wind up killing yourself.

    Some people doesn't understand that not all people can be happy. Depression, most scream emo, but if they'd actually research they'd find out that manic depression is an illness that can not be helped. Sure, you can take prozac, zoloft. or whatever else they have out there. Yeah, makes you feel a lot better. You feel like you want to die, and cry all the time. Anti-depressents, pfft my ass.

    I rather like residing in a beautiful coma ever now and then. If people don't like it, then they can get over it. It's no worse than people getting satisfaction off of making fun of some kid, eating their favorite meal, or watching those ever-addicting soaps on tv. Which by the way, sitting on the couch doing nothing causes obeisity, and you'll eventually die of a heart attack. At least if you do the right drugs, you'll still have a long life. People can argue all they want, but I've done my research.

    Thanks for the poem man, you did a good job, eventhough I'm "inspired" right now, it made a lot of sense to me, and I can relate to it in my own little way. Which is basically what this comment was about....Very good title too, if I may add.

    Sincerely,
    Martin
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]


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