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    dots Submission Name: Let the past be The pastdots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 554
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 856

       A rough draft....please comment

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet the past be The pastdots

    (Thinking to MySelf)
    "U say ur scared to be hurt by another man
    thats the thing,
    You been messin with little boys
    it's time for you to get with a real man.."

    You can be the moon
    I will be the surrounding stars,
    You know I want go any where far..
    I will alway be there like that shadow,
    following u ever where u go,
    Protecting you as you go

    Turn off the light
    the shadow will be gone
    But just look at the poem's
    I wrote you when I was gone.

    Close my eyes to go to sleep
    but all I see is u and me,
    We don't have to make love,
    We can just have are hips hug.

    There's nothing I wouldn't do for you
    For I will be, Forever honest and true to you...

    Submitted on 2007-03-19 22:36:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You did a good jonb with this write
    Near the middle it seems like you lost your train of thought a little
    But you brought it right back with a strong and caring ending
    I look forward to reading more from you in the future
    One can tell from your words you have a very honest and caring Heart
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      still daydreaming. . . your too sweet for words max. . . too sweet sunshine. . .
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by Jessica Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      I like where this started but it kind of loses its momentum. I think that the next draft will be better there just needs to be a little more flow and a little more of the story to continue out until the end
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by silentpoison | [ Reply to This ]

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