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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Let the past be The pastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 560
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 856



    Description:
       A rough draft....please comment


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet the past be The pastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    (Thinking to MySelf)
    "U say ur scared to be hurt by another man
    thats the thing,
    You been messin with little boys
    it's time for you to get with a real man.."


    You can be the moon
    I will be the surrounding stars,
    You know I want go any where far..
    I will alway be there like that shadow,
    following u ever where u go,
    Protecting you as you go

    Turn off the light
    the shadow will be gone
    But just look at the poem's
    I wrote you when I was gone.

    Close my eyes to go to sleep
    but all I see is u and me,
    We don't have to make love,
    We can just have are hips hug.

    There's nothing I wouldn't do for you
    For I will be, Forever honest and true to you...




    Submitted on 2007-03-19 22:36:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You did a good jonb with this write
    Near the middle it seems like you lost your train of thought a little
    But you brought it right back with a strong and caring ending
    I look forward to reading more from you in the future
    One can tell from your words you have a very honest and caring Heart
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      still daydreaming. . . your too sweet for words max. . . too sweet sunshine. . .
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by Jessica Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      I like where this started but it kind of loses its momentum. I think that the next draft will be better there just needs to be a little more flow and a little more of the story to continue out until the end
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by silentpoison | [ Reply to This ]


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