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    dots Submission Name: Big Girls Don't Crydots

    Author: lebeauvide
    ASL Info:    24/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 75/295/165
    Words: 512
    Class/Type: Story/Longing
    Total Views: 1294
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2797

       This is from personal experience, only more dramatic. lol

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBig Girls Don't Crydots

    It was the perfect scene.

    She couldn’t say anything. There were no words. Her heart plummeted through the floor, and she felt her soul stripped away. Everything she thought she knew was suddenly gone, leaving with him as he walked away.

    She tried to tell her tears that it was okay, that now was the time to cry. But her body would not comply. She couldn’t make that intense feeling of anguish dissipate. She couldn’t make her heart stop breaking.

    He walked away as if crippled, as if it hurt him to leave her. He kept telling himself, “If you love her, let her go… It’s better like this…” But he knew that it wasn’t. Nothing was better than being with her. Nothing was more important to him than her smile. She was his everything, and he had just let her go.

    She sank to the ground, waiting for something to happen. Waiting, for the ground to open up and swallow her, or for someone to tell her that this wasn’t really happening. That this was all a dream, and that she would soon be awake. She wanted to know that none of this was real…

    But the feeling of emptiness and abysmal loneliness reminded her that that was not the case. She was alone, and he was gone, leaving with nothing to say. She clung to his shoulder, begging him not to go, but he simply brushed her aside, and went on his way, eyes cast downward to avoid looking her in the face.

    There were words in the air… Apologies and promises… None of which she wanted to hear. She threw herself to the floor and lay there, wondering if this was really… real. He stood at her feet, with tears on his face and said, “I can’t be without you… but I can’t be with you either. You make me hurt in ways I can’t explain. You deserve so much better than me, don’t you understand?”

    “No… I do not understand. Love is ever changing… Can’t you see that? If you don’t want to stay, then don’t. But don’t torment me this way!” She held her face in her hands, her skull pounding from the torrents of emotions crashing through her.

    “Please, don’t be do this… Things are not how they used to be. You’re… just someone that I used to know…” he said with a hurricane of sorrow in his voice, causing his words to ebb and rush in small, hurt filled gushes, like blood from a deep wound.

    She raised her eyes to his face, that used to fill her dreams with beauty and silence, and now was the cause of her every nightmare. She didn’t understand why her world suddenly decided to crumble down around her feet. She felt a surge of anger tear through her veins, and she rose shakily to her feet.

    “Those words… They’re seven words to die by… But I just remembered…
    Big girls don’t cry.”

    Submitted on 2007-03-20 09:49:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh My Gosh. Reading this. .. I felt what the girl was feeling, I understood what she was going through, and as she began to hurt, I hurt. I felt as if you captivated mme with the words, making me the victim, not the fictional character, but me, as if this were all happening to me.

    I think I relate too weel with this piece, About two months back, My boyfriend did the same to me, he loved me, but he had to let me go, because well. .. reasons I'd rather not mention.

    But wow, this piece. .. It could make a cold hearted [censored] cry like a baby. It was beautiful. I think I'll add it to my favourites.

    Your writing, is Gorgeous.

    Mickey <3
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by Drain_my_Blood | [ Reply to This ]
      O wow...this is one of the best pieces I've read in a long time. I loved it. It was so incredibly heartbreaking...but so beautiful at the same time. I think anyone that's ever had someone leave them..anyone that's ever experienced heartbreak...can't help but read this and be brought back to that same place...that same experience. I know I was. The images that you created..the words you used...it felt all too real for me..and I think that's the sign of some great writing. This is going in my favorites. I loved it. Great write. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2007-03-22 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]
      There are things i like and dislike about this piece first I'll start with what I dislike you use several cliché, right down from the title to the last line. Ex
    her world crumbling, not being able to live with or wanting to live without, The ground swallowing her and of coures the breaking heart. i also would have like to see a space between paragraph for a better visual break up.

    I really love the way you use rhyme to guide us through this piece. The heart breaking was too predictable and that is a danger with relying to heavily on rhyming.
    In my opinion it's an excellent start and should be easy enough to wittle down some of the nuances and have a great piece.
    | Posted on 2007-03-20 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]

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