My first impression of this is that you describe the flatness that one can feel sometimes. It's like being void of emotion, maybe even not having enough sensation to define one's feelings. You decide if that's the feel you're going for, but that is what I'm feeling.
And that said, it's well done. But the last strophe throws off my scent, as though the resolution came too quickly. Maybe the "aha"
needs a qualifying line or two just before that last strophe.
But you've done a fine turn of phrase and it works, just a polish
on the transition is my suggestion. Feeling nothing is so zen, maybe that's a clue as to how this might happen?
This a philosophical piece of imagery for me. Not exactly my bag but I think that "licking velevet blackness" is a great image even if it smacks somewhat of sexuality (so what!)
It feels complete to me and, sometimes if we start tinkering we end up with more being less. Warm thoughts
definitly a work in progress but you have some good progress thus far. um licking black velvet that part is badass as far as im concerned. you have created the beginning of this nothingness and the way you wish to describe it but definitly need to go into more detail but keep the sections short and too the point. definitly hit me up when your done goodluck!