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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nothingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 797
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 464



    Description:
       Thoughts please...It is not quite what I want to say yet.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNothingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Inside,






    Silence.


    A whole hole,
    is already full of nothing.
    A yearning for fulfillment.

    There is potential for everything here.

    Licking the velvet blackness
    is void of sensation,
    not because black lacks
    but here exists no tongue.

    Who'd have thought
    that to be complete
    Nothing was needed.




    Submitted on 2007-03-21 02:42:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Kate,

    My first impression of this is that you describe the flatness that one can feel sometimes. It's like being void of emotion, maybe even not having enough sensation to define one's feelings. You decide if that's the feel you're going for, but that is what I'm feeling.

    And that said, it's well done. But the last strophe throws off my scent, as though the resolution came too quickly. Maybe the "aha"
    needs a qualifying line or two just before that last strophe.

    But you've done a fine turn of phrase and it works, just a polish
    on the transition is my suggestion. Feeling nothing is so zen, maybe that's a clue as to how this might happen?

    who knows, not good, not bad, just is...

    love,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2007-03-25 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This a philosophical piece of imagery for me. Not exactly my bag but I think that "licking velevet blackness" is a great image even if it smacks somewhat of sexuality (so what!)
    It feels complete to me and, sometimes if we start tinkering we end up with more being less. Warm thoughts

    Donald
    | Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]
      definitly a work in progress but you have some good progress thus far. um licking black velvet that part is badass as far as im concerned. you have created the beginning of this nothingness and the way you wish to describe it but definitly need to go into more detail but keep the sections short and too the point. definitly hit me up when your done goodluck!
    | Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by lark | [ Reply to This ]


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