Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Last In Linedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kapri49
    ASL Info:    16/f/canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 31/69/30
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Depressed
    Total Views: 561
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 632



    Description:
       This is either the end or the beginning of the song but I'm not sure...and I think the second part might be the chorus but I donno that either...any comments or critisism are GREATLY appreciated..Thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast In Linedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I spend my nights waiting by the phone
    I spend my days waiting for you to come hom
    I spend my nights crying myself to sleep
    I spend my time wondering why you're not there
    Wondering why you don't care
    Wondering why I can't be
    The daughter you want me to be

    And he's your son
    And you know he's number one
    He's got your attention, got your affection
    He gets your phone calls
    And you know he gets your time
    And I'm just the daughter
    Who'll allways be last in Line
    Yaa
    Last in line




    Submitted on 2007-03-21 12:01:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is well done and would make a pretty good song I have little doubt (some typos which you can find easily enough) heart breaking lyric ... bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-04-03 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      ...simple yet profound..by the way, did you hear this, "Daughter is daughter till and of life, son is son till he gets a wife..", something like that ;)
    | Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like the flow of this. it would be perfect for a song...and i think i can relate to this. although in a different way than the poem is talking about...

    emily
    | Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by only_a_dreamX | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    138422

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry