Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: That One Questiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    24/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 622/962/454
    Words: 280
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 941
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1833



    Description:
       I was outside listening to some music, just smoking, looking out into the atmosphere, and I was thinking about my past that I miss so much, the memories of when I was younger that I didn't hold onto. I'm homesick, I'm mourning for my mother, I miss my family, and I'm reflecting on the time that I had everything going for me, and I just want it back. I'm trying to. I really am, but maybe not hard enough I guess, but I am. I don't want to be miserable anymore I'm fighting it but I guess not hard enough, maybe I need self-guidance. So here it is. Hope it turns out well...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThat One Questiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wake up,
    And your life before your eyes has changed.
    One day you were okay,
    The other fadded away,
    And now your derranged.

    You were on that road,
    But soon enough you took the wrong path.
    Now passion is only your regret,
    As lifes quest brings turmoils upset,
    Your embaressed by lifes laugh.

    Regret is endless,
    Of all the pain that you bear.
    Soon days feel better, but storms come again,
    In your mind they play melodies of despair,
    And your away from all that joy within.

    Your world gets darker,
    As memories you lament deeply.
    Of the bliss you once had,
    Only that light of peace shines shortly,
    To only temper your feelings that make you mad.

    If hurt didn't mean so much,
    You know everything would be okay.
    But this rapture doesn't heal again,
    This nightmare doesn't fade away;
    It neither blooms to better, but wilts to worsen.

    Plauged in a curse of tears,
    That ever so bleed.
    Seize that moment you confide,
    Don't ever let it leave,
    Or you'll forever look at the times they died.

    So depressed to get out of bed,
    So it hurts I know.
    But what colors of life are there without pain,
    Just a boring world to itself without a glow,
    That lights its lessons that embed within your veins.

    We have to move on,
    I can't be living this way.
    Somethings out there for me; to the question,
    Is it joy, that reason that still makes me stay?
    Or is it that little bit of faith, I don't know of inside my heart hidden?

    I lay alone, with that question...






    Submitted on 2007-03-21 15:22:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "The other fadded away,
    And now your derranged."


    should be:

    "The other faded away,
    And now you're derranged."

    ~

    "As lifes quest brings turmoils upset,
    Your embaressed by lifes laugh."


    should be:

    "As life's quest brings turmoil's upset,
    You're embarrassed by life's laugh."

    ~

    "And your away from all that joy within."

    should be: "And you're away"

    ~

    "Plauged in a curse of tears,"

    should be: "Plagued"

    ~

    "Somethings out there for me; to the question,"

    should be: "Something's out there"

    ~

    "I lay alone, with that question..."

    should be: "I lie alone"

    ~

    But apart from those grammatical errors, this was a really great write. I love the emotion in here, and believe me, I'm going through much the same thing. You wake up in the morning wondering what your life has come to, and when it got to this place. You go to sleep at night not really caring if you ever wake up again, and sometimes thinking it would be better if you didn't. You try to fight the depression, but its chains have you shackled so tight to the wall you can barely go a few steps before it's pulling you back.

    Perhaps the worst feeling is the loss of control. Where you feel like you life is just spinning criazily and you can't control it no matter how hard you try. And then you realise that you're not supposed to be in control of it, but it still doesn't help to deal with it any better.

    You get the thought in your head that tommorrow will be better, and then tomorrow comes and things are the same. And after awhile the hope starts slipping away, but you grip it as tight as you can, like trying to hold onto water. It helps, if only a little.

    "If hurt didn't mean so much,
    You know everything would be okay.
    But this rapture doesn't heal again,
    This nightmare doesn't fade away;
    It neither blooms to better, but wilts to worsen."


    This was my favourite part, because it is SO true, and SO powerful, and SO bloody brilliant.

    This write made my heart ache, and my soul twinge. It was perfect, and raw, and passionate, and had an underlying desperation that left me breathless.

    I wish I could say will get better for you, or that the pain of losing someone will go away, but I can't. Things may get better, but they'll get bad again, and the pain of losing someone you love never goes away, and times does NOT heal all wounds, and people who believe that are full of it. Temper them, maybe; but heal them, no.

    A beautiful write, love. So wonderful!

    Cheers and God bless,

    ~Mandi~
    | Posted on 2007-03-28 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      This is like a bad dream that you are having and your longing to wake up from it hoping that you've gone to the future warning you that if you do these steps, that's what will happen. The unfortunate part is that it is not a bad dream but reality. Your longing for what you had in the past and now it's no longer close in your life.

    You seem lost in your little world and possibly confused and afraid to make any further step because you don't know if you're going to loose what you have now to be in more pain later.

    The only way to deal with it is to view this process as a transformation. In order for you to move on with your life and keep going with this cycle of life is to transform.

    I have such wonderful memories of my past and i wish so badly sometimes to have those moments back and never let them go but i have to because in order for me to keep living my life, i have to accept the fact that it was meant for that moment and not this one. Look forward to the day because it is different from before and transform from yesterday to today.

    I don't know if it will clear out your question, but at least you'll feel less pain.

    Nice write.

    take care....

    Irina
    | Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    138432

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry